IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

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It is a known practice for some families to host a celebration whenever there is a special occasion. Other
people
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 hold the opinion that
this
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 is not practical and is a waste of resources.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and highlight examples for both. First of all, hosting a party is
one
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 way of commemorating special occasions or milestones in a family as
this
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 allows everyone to celebrate each other's success.
Consequently
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, celebrating events
such
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 as birthdays, graduations and weddings
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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one
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 of the few reasons why
people
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 spend
money
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 on family
celebrations
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 since
this
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 is a
once in a lifetime
Add a hyphen
once-in-a-lifetime
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 event only.
Furthermore
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, these
occassions
Correct your spelling
occasions
 promote stronger family ties as relatives from far places attend these occasions and
would
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apply
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catch up with the other family members. Children would get the chance to meet their distant cousins, aunts, and uncles which is important to their growth as a person. In
this
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 way,
this
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also
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 serves as a family reunion so it is relevant to spend
money
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 on these
type
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types
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 of occasions.
On the contrary
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, some
people
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 think that spending
money
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 on
such
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 parties is not economical
due to
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 the inflation we are experiencing today. It is undeniable that hosting these
type
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types
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 of events would sometimes break the bank if
one
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 does not budget properly and would lead to regrets later on. From small factors
such
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 as transport going to the venue to paying caterers for the food, it all involves spending
money
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 which is why some
people
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 are reluctant to spend
money
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 on family
celebrations
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. Another reason why
people
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 think
this
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 could be a waste of
money
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 is because some prefer to have a small and intimate celebration rather than hosting a grandiose party. They prefer to have relatives who are close to them to keep everything simple and private. In conclusion, spending
money
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 on family
celebrations
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 has
it
Change the pronoun
its
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 benefits and drawbacks.
While
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 some
people
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 think
this
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 is not economical, I am of the opinion that having these
type
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types
show examples
 of
celebrations
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 once in a
while
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 is
way
Add an article
a way
the way
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 of bringing the family closer to
one
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 another.

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development of examples
Try to develop your examples further to strengthen your argument. While the examples given are relevant, providing more details or personal anecdotes could enhance their impact.
vocabulary and sentence variation
Consider varying sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement. This could make your essay sound more sophisticated.
stance clarity
Ensure a clear stance is presented in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative stance. While your conclusion does summarize your view, making it more pronounced early on will enhance clarity.
balanced discussion
You have effectively discussed both views, providing a balanced analysis of the topic.
structure
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion summarizing your stance.
use of examples
You have successfully identified relevant examples to support your discussion points, which helps in illustrating your arguments.
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