IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government should tax unhealthy food to encourage people to eat more healthily. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Undoubtedly, by levying heavy
taxes
Use synonyms
 on junk
food
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,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can motivate
people
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 to make better
food
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 choices. I totally agree with the
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 and
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 shed light on it in
forth coming
Correct your spelling
forthcoming
show examples
 paragraph.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
application
Correct article usage
the application
show examples
 of
taxes
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 on unhealthy
food
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 items will encourage
people
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 to adopt healthy
recipies
Correct your spelling
recipes
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 cost of fast
food
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due to
Linking Words
taxes
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 will decrease the buying capacity
ulimately
Correct your spelling
ultimately
 encouraging
people
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 to make a shift. To exemplify:
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 government's application of heavy
taxes
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 on tobacco and liquor has helped the country to quit
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 habits by 27%.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the step would
also
Linking Words
 help
people
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 to live
disease free
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disease-free
show examples
life
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.
As junk
Correct word choice
Junk
show examples
food
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 has a lot of harmful acids and MSG, which could be a cause of cancer and
other disease
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another disease
other diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure,
diabities
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diabetes
 etc.
A recent
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Recent
show examples
 research by Monash University claims that elimination of MSG and amino acids from the diet will not only help
people
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 to stay away
for
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from
show examples
 diseases like
diabiltes
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diabetes
 and blood pressure but
also
Linking Words
 increase their
life
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expetency
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expectancy
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
taxes
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 on
unhealty
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unhealthy
food
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 items
has
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have
show examples
 multiple benefits on human
life
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 and
nation
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the nation
show examples
 ranging from
elimination
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the elimination
show examples
deadly
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of deadly
show examples
 diseases to
enhancement
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the enhancement
show examples
 of
life
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expetancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
. It will
helps
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help
show examples
 an individual to live a healthy
life
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 by staying away from
adultrated
Correct your spelling
adulterated
 or harmful ingredients added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
food
Use synonyms
 by decreasing their buying capacity.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs and sentences are smooth and logical. Using phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'As a result' can help create a clearer connection between your ideas.
Task Achievement
For an improved task response, strive for a balanced argument if the question asks to what extent you agree or disagree. Acknowledging the other side, even briefly, can provide a more nuanced view and increase the effectiveness of your argument.
Language Accuracy
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and typos that might distract from your argument's clarity. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct these issues.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the reference to Australian government's policies on tobacco, strongly supports your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay—introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion—is clear and effective in presenting your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government intervention
  • Public health issues
  • Taxation
  • Unhealthy food
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Consumption
  • Sugar taxes
  • Disproportionately affect
  • Low-income families
  • Healthy alternatives
  • Public health education
  • Socioeconomic groups
  • Subsidies
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Food education
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