IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #production #fertilizers #machinery #people #impact #health #community
It is said that fertilizers and sophisticated machinery can improve food production yield.
Nevertheless
, some people believe that it could have adverse effects on people’s health and the environment. Personally, I entirely agree with
this
 statement for some reasons, which will be elaborated on more below. Perhaps, one main reason for
this
 is that if a farmer constantly used non-organic fertilizers, people who eat the products would get potential physical diseases
such
 as obesity because they have many hazardous chemical ingredients. A case in point is in Indonesia, there is a growing number of obesity rates attributed to consuming chemical-fertilizer-nurtured plants.
In addition
, by using
this
 method, the land would experience detrimental effects.
This
 can make the soil harden and lose its porosity.
This
 is because the use of fertilizers increases acid levels in the soil, leading to difficulties
to find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
 healthy soil which we need to grow plants,
thus
 being able to reduce production where the government would inevitably import others to meet people’s needs.
In other words
, the price of a product might be expensive
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
 can lessen a citizen’s ability to feed his own needs.
As a result
, the government tends to deal with undernourished ones. Looking from a different perspective, it might be said that chemical materials used for food seem beneficial to some extent, which is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
quadruples
Correct subject-verb agreement
quadruple
show examples
 the yield and
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 the quality of crops.
However
, I personally believe that
this
 could be an unwise viewpoint considering the drawbacks that it may contain. In conclusion, it seems to me that chemical materials have detrimental effects on not only human beings but
also
 the environment.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
To improve your essay, ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single idea and provide clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and transition words to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
Task Response
While your essay addresses the topic, deeper analysis and more specific examples could enrich your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which articulate your overall viewpoint effectively.
Content & Examples
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt to provide relevant examples and reasons supporting your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: