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Band 4.5

Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business option. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #impact #business #option
In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
climating
Correct your spelling
climate
climatic
changes
 might have some negative results on
business
 but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it might be a new way to provide
further
business
 ideas. It's common to say that
climate
Correct article usage
the climate
show examples
 should be stable in order to save local businesses, but it might have positive
changes
 in
this
 way as well. Local businesses have made the basis of their commerce
according to
 the local climate. They don't expect
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 because it might ruin their job.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 changing the climate is not as bad as people think.
This
 might bring new ideas to society.
For instance
, a local
flowershop
Correct your spelling
flower shop
 that has been in
business
 for more than 20 years, now is facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
changes
 in weather. The florist can see it as a negative impact on his job and close his shop, but he can
also
 prepare his
business
 for new
changes
 and go with the flow.
This
changes
Change the determiner
change
show examples
 brings new flowers to the market. Despite the fact that he'll have new flowers and fresh ideas for selling them, he could
also
 make a small greenhouse so that he wouldn't need to cancel his orders and still have the same flowers all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year round.
Although
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 has some negative effects, it has
alos
Correct your spelling
also
 new opinions for
business
 as well. These
changes
 bring new jobs to the market. It'll be an opportunity to create new jobs and bring more crew to the market.
Submitted by maryamnikfekr on

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Structure
Enhance the essay structure by clearly separating paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. This will help to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
Conclusion
Introduce a concluding paragraph to summarise your discussion and restate your opinion. This will give your essay a strong finish and make your stance clear to the reader.
Content Development
Though your essay presents arguments for both views, aim to further develop each point with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
Grammar and Accuracy
Monitor your essay for minor grammatical errors and aim to correct these. Though they are not significantly detracting from the overall quality, polishing your grammar can enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Content
You successfully discussed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic and presenting a balanced view.
Use of Examples
The use of an example to illustrate your point was effective and brought your argument to life. Including specific instances or cases strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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