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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is an arguable topic that children should start learning the language of other country while they are in the primary school instead of secondary school. In my opinion learning a different language at folk school has more benefits than drawbacks

#arguable #topic #children #language #country #school #folk
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The first and foremost positive of
this
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 is that a child’s brain is more active at
this
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 age. They have a better grasping power and learning ability as compared to high school children.
Therefore
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 it is easy for them to understand and learn a
language
Use synonyms
that is
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 different from their mother tongue. Apart from that, if they learn
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 properly
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
this
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 will act as an extra skill in them that will help them to communicate with people outside of their country.
For instance
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, if they know English well and opt for studying abroad in future
than
Replace the word
then
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 they will be able to exchange their ideas easily with the people of that country.
In addition
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 to that, with the ability to speak and write another
language
Use synonyms
 young
one’s
Change noun form
people
show examples
 will be able to secure better jobs in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multinational companies
for example
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, get recruited
in
Change preposition
by
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 large import and export corporations to deal with foreign clients.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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, on the negative side , if children
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 in the preparatory school
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 they will be overwhelmed with
extra
Add an article
the extra
show examples
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
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.
Furthermore
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, because of
this
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 they will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to focus on all the other subjects properly and
this
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 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
overall
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 concentration
thus
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 resulting in poor performance.
For example
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,
diversion
Correct article usage
a diversion
show examples
 of focus could lead them to bad grades. In conclusion,
although
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 learning an unfamiliar
language
Use synonyms
 in graded school can sometimes act as a burden on a child
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
considering the
overall
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 positives it has on them in future,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
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 outshine the negatives
Submitted by harleenarora620 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, delve deeper into the topic by discussing more in-depth examples and consequences, ensuring all parts of the prompt are fully addressed.
Task Achievement
Expand on the drawbacks section with more detailed examples and counterarguments to provide a more balanced argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and linking words to create a more fluent and dynamic essay.
Language
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic to enrich your essay and better convey nuances.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, arguments, counterarguments, and conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of topic sentences to introduce each paragraph, aiding reader understanding.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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