IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

#experts #children #language #school #outweigh
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It is an arguable topic that children should start learning the
language
Use synonyms
 of
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
while
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 they are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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primary
school
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instead
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 of secondary
school
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 learning a different
language
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 at
folk
Correct article usage
a folk
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 has more benefits than drawbacks. The first and foremost positive of
this
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 is that a child’s brain is more active at
this
Linking Words
 age. They have a better grasping power and learning ability as compared to high
school
Use synonyms
 children.
Therefore
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 it is easy for them to understand and learn a
language
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 different from their mother tongue. Apart from that, if they learn
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 properly
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will act as an extra skill in them that will help them to communicate with people outside of their country.
For instance
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, if they know English well and opt for studying abroad in future
than
Replace the word
then
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 they will be able to exchange their ideas easily with the people of that country.
In addition
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 to that, with the ability to speak and write another
language
Use synonyms
 young
one’s
Change noun form
people
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 will be able to secure better jobs in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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multinational companies
for example
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, get recruited
in
Change preposition
by
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 large import and export corporations to deal with foreign clients.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, on the negative side , if children
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start learning a new
language
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 in the preparatory
school
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than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 they will be overwhelmed with
extra
Add an article
the extra
show examples
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
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.
Furthermore
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, because of
this
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 they will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to focus on all the other subjects properly and
this
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 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
overall
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 concentration
thus
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 resulting in poor performance.
For example
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,
diversion
Correct article usage
a diversion
show examples
 of focus could lead them to bad grades. In conclusion,
although
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 learning an unfamiliar
language
Use synonyms
 in graded
school
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 can sometimes act as a burden on a child
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
considering the
overall
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 positives it has on them in future,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
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 outshine the negatives.
Submitted by harleenarora620 on

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Task response
Ensure your points are directly linked to the question being asked. Your introduction swiftly and clearly states your viewpoint, linking directly to the question prompt, which enhances clarity.
Coherence and cohesion
To enrich your essay further, try incorporating a wider variety of complex structures and linking phrases. This can make your argumentation even more nuanced and your essay more fluid.
Task response
While your examples are relevant, aiming for more detailed and diverse examples could strengthen your argument, making it more compelling and comprehensive.
Task response
Consider a more balanced approach in discussing both sides to provide depth to your analysis, making sure to explore each perspective thoroughly before reaching a conclusion. This could enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Structure and organisation
You've demonstrated an effective structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that neatly ties your argument together.
Position and clarity
Your essay benefits greatly from a clear stance on the subject, facilitating a coherent argument throughout.
Use of examples
The use of examples to support your points is commendable, as it helps to ground your arguments in real-world contexts.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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