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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below.

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below.
The graph and table provide some information about the number of foreign tourists who visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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Australia
Use synonyms
 yearly.
It is clear that
Linking Words
visitors
Use synonyms
 to
Australia
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 by overseas residents had an upward trend completely and Japan had the highest rate of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to
Australia
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. In 1975,under 10
million
Use synonyms
 persons
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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visited
Australia
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 and
then
Linking Words
 from 1975 to 1985, the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of passengers increased significantly by 5
million
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. Focusing on the second decade, illustrates that
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
visitors
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 climbed from 15
million
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 to 24,8
million
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 which is more than the first decade. From 1995 onward,
traveling
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travelling
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 to
Australia
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 followed the same way and grew noticeably from 24,8 to 31
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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people which means that it had
a
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apply
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minimal growth in
compares
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comparison
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 to
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 decade. Regarding the statistics what stands out from the scheme is that
,
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apply
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 Japanese
visitors
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 had a tremendous surge from 3,2 to 12,0
million
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 between 1975 and 2005.
Also
Linking Words
, South Korean passengers experienced a boom from 2.9 to 9,1
million
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 in 30 years.
However
Linking Words
chinese
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Chinese
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 did not acclaim
to travel
Verb problem
apply
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Use synonyms
Australia
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to Australia
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 like other Asian nations and showed a slight increase of .8
million
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. American
visitors
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 approximately treble from .4 to 1.1
million
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, British people saw a moderate growth of 2,9
million
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 at the same time and Europe trippers increased considerably from 1.1 to 4,5
million
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, visitors, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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