IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #car #british #roads #year #million #vehicles #alternative #forms #transport #laws #control #ownership
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The first
car
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 touched
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom's roads in 1888 and by
passing
Verb problem
apply
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more than one century the
number
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 of vehicles significantly increased to over 29 million. Some substitution forms of
cars
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 should
be
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be used
be using
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use
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either
Correct word choice
and
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 governments should enact some laws to confine
car
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 ownership. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
essy
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essay
 intends to express some
suggestion
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suggestions
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among
Change preposition
for
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 my personal and logical conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the high
number
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 of
cars
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 in a city will cause numerous
problem
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problems
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includes
Wrong verb form
including
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, pollution and traffic. To avoid
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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 from happening the
number
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 of vehicles must be decreased for
this
Linking Words
 action the
socirty
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society
 should be
encourged
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encouraged
 to
use
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 public transport
such
Linking Words
 as
bus
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the bus
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 and metro. By using public
transports
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transport
show examples
 the
number
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personal
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of personal
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 will decrease considerably and it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact
in
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on
show examples
 both pollution and traffic. To
examplify
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exemplify
this
Linking Words
 statement, a bus can carry 50 passengers at the same time but if they
use
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 their personal vehicles there will be 50
cars
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 on the road. Sometimes, only
encourging
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encouraging
 people will not work
besides
Linking Words
,
satates
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states
 should act directly by imposing some rules against
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
cars
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, governments can declare some days only for using bicycles. To prove
this
Linking Words
satatement
Correct your spelling
statement
, if a country
make
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makes
show examples
 a law that, no one should
use
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 personal
cars
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 for commuting to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 they should
use
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 public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 or the people who do not like public transport have to
use
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a bicycle
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bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 the weather and traffic of that area will become very well.
To conclude
Linking Words
, since
first
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the first
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car
Use synonyms
 came to Britain up to 2000 the
number
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 of
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 and
crowd
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the crowd
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 in
city
Add an article
the city
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 has increased very much.
According to
Linking Words
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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 points in
this
Linking Words
 essay introducing laws for automobile ownership and
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 people toward cycling and public
tranports
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transports
transport
 will be useful.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your ideas more clearly to ensure each paragraph has a central theme that is fully developed and easy to follow. This can enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
miscellaneous
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
structure
You effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear thesis statement at the beginning, which sets a good foundation for your essay.
structure
Your conclusion successfully recapitulates your main points and reaffirms your stance, contributing to a satisfying closure for the reader.
content
You made a relevant point about the benefits of public transportation and cycling, which directly addresses the question's task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
What to do next:
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