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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions?

The world has drastically changed, and that includes the way
students
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 learn. Today,
children
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 deal with challenges to concentrate in class.
Children
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 need to be taught in a variety of ways to keep them focused.
This
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 essay will examine the causes of
this
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 situation and solutions to it. On the one hand, there are many causes that push
children
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 to have a lack of concentration.
Firstly
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, most kids get distracted
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of their addiction to electronics.
Children
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 are introduced to a variety of online entertainment.
For example
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, parents are complaining that their kids aren’t doing the regular activities like going on a bike, because their
focus
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 is shifted to online entertainment.
Secondly
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, teachers often deliver lessons in a boring style to
children
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.
Children
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 are at an age where they are overly hyper. Delivering information to them directly won’t grab their attention.
Finally
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, many
children
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 have ADHD
which
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, which
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 explains their struggle to concentrate.
This
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 condition affects the child’s ability to
focus
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 and makes the child overly active.
On the other hand
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, there are many solutions to
this
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 situation. To start with, parents can restrict their
children
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’s use of screen time. Limiting electronics usage will have a great impact on the child’s
overall
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focus
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.
Moreover
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, teachers can try to introduce new interactive ways of teaching.
Therefore
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,
students
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 will feel more entertained and less distracted.
Furthermore
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, schools should implement a test for all ADHD
students
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. After the results come
out
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out,
show examples
 they should be in a separate classroom.
For instance
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, a recent study has shown that
children
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 with ADHD require
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 learning. In conclusion,
children
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 often struggle to
focus
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, but implementing new techniques of teaching can help grab their attention. Schools should innovate how they deliver information to young
students
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.
Therefore
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, the number of
children
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 who are easily distracted will decrease.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes well, but some solutions need more detail.
task response
Give clearer support for each main idea. Add one more short example or result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are simple and repeated. Try to vary linking words in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
A few ideas are too general. Explain how each solution works in school life.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological distractions
  • overloaded curriculum
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • sleep deprivation
  • learning disorders
  • stress and anxiety
  • implementation
  • reform
  • promote
  • policy
  • adequate
  • specialized support
  • resources
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • time management
  • screen time
  • cognitive function
  • attention span
  • memory retention
  • consistent sleep schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • academic expectations
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