IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, and 2010.

The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, and 2010.
#show #degrees #fields #university #years
The provided bar charts indicate the number of degrees, which were granted in different fields at the national university over a thirty-
year
 period between 1990 and 2010. Namely, computer science,
medicine
,
business
 and law.
Overall
, it is obviously seen that
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 analyzed period computer science rose significantly
whereas
business
 was a remarkable decline.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
medicine
 and law were
fluctuation
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
. Getting back to the details the analyzed period among students the most popular degree was computer science,
by
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
 the lowest indicator accounted degree
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 law. At the beginning of the
year
 the figures were 30% and 15%
respectivly
Correct your spelling
respectively
,
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the
year
 made up sixty per cent collectively. Meanwhile
medicine
 and
business
 fluctuated considerably. In 1990 the
fractions
Fix the agreement mistake
fraction
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a quarter and
a third percents
Correct the article-noun agreement
a third percent
third percents
show examples
, middle of the
year
 the fraction of
medicine
 increased slightly and reached 30%,
by contrast
indicator
Correct article usage
the indicator
show examples
 of
business
 declined sharply, end of the
year
fraction
Correct article usage
the fraction
show examples
 of
medicine
 was as same as in 1990,
however
Correct article usage
the however
show examples
 indicator of
business
 had decreased twice compartion with in 1990.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words medicine, business, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: