IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

average daily sales of four products, by numbers of servings

#sales #four #products #numbers #servings
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The bar chart provides data about the number of portions of several kinds of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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, which
sold
Add a missing verb
are sold
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 every day with an average. The details are given for two seasons, namely
winter
Use synonyms
 and
summer
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 hot foods,
such
Linking Words
 as coffee and soup, were more popular in
winter
Use synonyms
. Notably, the number of
salad
Fix the agreement mistake
salads
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 sold is precisely the same in both times of year.
While
Linking Words
 iced coffee is the least in demand during winters with only an insignificant number of
servings
Use synonyms
 being sold daily, it is the highest-sold category with 40
servings
Use synonyms
 in summers.
Similarly
Linking Words
, ice cream is the second most sold dainty, reaching 35 units in
summer
Use synonyms
, but, surprisingly, its popularity is considerable in
winter
Use synonyms
 as well, and is lower by just about 10%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 ,hot coffee is bought approximately 75 times in
winter
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, in
summer
Use synonyms
, it
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
 by more than half and comes down to 30
servings
Use synonyms
. Soup is the second most demanded dish in
winter
Use synonyms
 with 50 items purchased every day,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in
summer
Use synonyms
, it saw a 50% reduction in sales. Surprisingly, the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of salads bought
didn't change neither
Rewrite the sentence
didn't change either
changed neither
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 in
winter
Use synonyms
nor
Correct word choice
or
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 in
summer
Use synonyms
, remaining stable at around 25
servings
Use synonyms
.a
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between main and supporting points to enhance clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce variety in your sentence structures to improve readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
For higher scores, make sure your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and encapsulate your overall analysis more precisely.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to clearly distinguish between different observations and evaluations.
Task Achievement
The comparison between winter and summer sales was clear and easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively used data from the chart to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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