IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Social networking sites,
for instance
, Facebook, are thought by some to have had a detrimental effect on
people
 individually and on
societies
 as well. I mainly prefer that it has a beneficial impact on
people
 but to some extent, there are some drawbacks for
societies
.I will discuss
this
 in detail in my essay below. With regards to individuals, the impact of social media on the youth brings positive changes for them. As most
people
 are leaving their countries to secure their future so, platform like Facebook, Instagram, and other media websites plays a crucial role in bringing their loved ones
together with
 just one click.
Secondly
, they can connect themselves with different
people
 and find jobs
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world. So, it helps to boost their confidence to meet and greet
people
 virtually and bring those
people
 together who have the same
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 school.
Whereas
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of local communities, it is not very productive because kids,
younones
Correct your spelling
young ones
 and old
people
 start spending too much time on
these platform
Change the determiner
this platform
these platforms
show examples
 and start neglecting their families. That has a negative impact on children's personalities.
Furthermore
,
societies
 as a whole
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 becoming disjointed and distributed into fragments now. Local communities are no longer forming close and supportive relationships together.
People
 spend more time online rather than in face-to-face meetups. In conclusion, social media like Facebook prove beneficial for many individuals
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 them together.
However
,
societies
 should put some more effort
to try
Change preposition
into trying
show examples
 to bring
people
 together physically to promote the future of their local communities.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
introduction and conclusion
You introduced and concluded your essay in a clear, structured manner, effectively setting the scene and summarising your main points.
task response
Your essay presents a well-balanced discussion on the impacts of social media on individuals and societies, reflecting a good understanding of the task.
logical structure
The logical progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph helps the reader easily follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: