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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 information on
people
Use synonyms
 of different
age-groups
Correct your spelling
age groups
show examples
 that are contributing to the
population
Use synonyms
 of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and
also
Linking Words
projects
Correct subject-verb agreement
project
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 growth for
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2050. From the general
trend
Add a comma
trend,
show examples
 it can be seen that
people
Use synonyms
 falling in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group 15-59 will increase in Yemen and for Italy it will decrease by 16%.
Overall
Linking Words
, a significant decrease can be
noticied
Correct your spelling
noticed
notified
 in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future in Yemen as
people
Use synonyms
 that
falls
Change the verb form
fall
show examples
 in
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
- group 0-14 dropped by 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
on the contrary
Linking Words
, a noteworthy rise can be predicted in 50 years in teenagers-59 years
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 growth of
people
Use synonyms
 in their 60s is 3.6 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 5.7 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite trend can be seen in
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 growth of Italy as a significant increase in
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can be predicted as it will double in 2050 reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42.3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 which means that
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 burden will increase on Italy. In
italy
Change the capitalization
Italy
show examples
 birth rates
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 decreasing drastically as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
prediction
Replace the word
predicted
show examples
 it will decline
4
Change preposition
by 4
show examples
per
cent
Use synonyms
 and will reach 11.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a decline in
adolescent
Correct article usage
the adolescent
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 can be seen
such
Linking Words
 as it decreases
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 more than 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
predicted
Correct article usage
the predicted
show examples
 50 years.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Italy needs to focus on their birth rates.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, population, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age distribution
  • population demographics
  • projected
  • projections
  • notable changes
  • demographic changes
  • implications
  • birth rates
  • life expectancy
  • senior citizens
  • young population
  • working-age population
  • dependency ratio
  • aging population
  • socio-economic impact
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