Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

Regarding the o the

rising

Replace the word

rise

show examples

of technology

during

Change preposition

show examples

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

years. Many

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

rens have

dialy spended

Correct your spelling

daily spent

hours on using

smartphones

This

essay will

discusses

Change the verb form

discuss

show examples

the case of

this

phenomenon,

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

will

illustrates

Change the verb form

illustrate

show examples

either

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

it is a positive habit or not.

For of foremost

Change preposition

Foremost

show examples

, there are two crucial reasons which lead Childs to use

smartphones

for a long time. The

sgnificant

Correct your spelling

significant

reason is

parnts

Correct your spelling

parents

do not monitor their

Children

. To

illustrates

Correct subject-verb agreement

illustrate

show examples

more, in

this

rapid and noisy world

parnts

Correct your spelling

parents

have been busy with their responsibilities and

carrers

Correct your spelling

careers

carriers

thus

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

forget

monitoring

Change the verb form

to monitor

show examples

their

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

behavior.

Second

Correct article usage

The second

show examples

important

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

is everything in our life related

with

Change preposition

show examples

using

iPhone

Correct article usage

the iPhone

show examples

including education.

Therefore

parnts

Correct your spelling

parents

are obligated to provide their

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

with

Correct the article-noun agreement

a smartphone

smartphones

show examples

smartphones

one

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

do not have enough time to control

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

use of

smartphones

. In a covid epndmic,

for example

. Each students have to own his phone to Complete their education tasks.

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

using

smartphones

phone by

children

having

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

draw backs

Correct your spelling

drawbacks

show examples

, there are

also

many merits

such

as, there are educational apps, which teach

children

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Creative and

attractiv

Correct your spelling

attractive

ways.

For example

Doulingo

Correct your spelling

Duolingo

apps.

Furthermore

, it facilitates the teaching and learning process, by

simplified

Change the form of the verb

simplifying

show examples

the communication between teachers and students, as well

between

Correct word choice

as between

show examples

tutors and

parnts

Correct your spelling

parents

For instance

, using

Change the capitalization

show examples

to communicate quickly with students and their

parnts

Correct your spelling

parents

. In conclusion,

while

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

today's

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rate of using

smartphones

among

children

has been increasing for many reasons.

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

issue has positives and negatives, the positives overcome the negatives.

Submitted by fatema14mohammed on Sat Apr 27 2024

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Task response

Ensure to directly address the question in your introduction to provide a clear overview of your essay's direction.

Coherence and cohesion

Develop each paragraph with one main idea, supported by examples or evidence, to enhance clarity and coherence.

Language

Monitor your spelling and grammatical accuracy to improve your essay's professionalism and readability.

Content

You successfully identified key reasons behind children's extensive use of smartphones, which shows good understanding.

Content

You have nicely balanced the essay by discussing both positive and negative aspects of the phenomenon.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

What to do next:

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform. DO ADV >< DISADV

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can ben taken to bring about a change. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?