IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the estimated percentage of car trips taken by drivers in 2005.

The bar chart given illustrates the data about the proportion of
cars
Change the noun form
car
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 trips taken by male and female drivers in the year 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 gender was driving to go
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several purposes
such
Linking Words
 as work, visiting town, and recreation
while
Linking Words
 the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
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 to
driving
Change the verb form
drive
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 to courses,
Correct word choice
and bank
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bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
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,
running
Wrong verb form
run
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 errands,
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
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 friends and shopping. Looking into more details,
male
Add an article
the male
a male
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 was dominated driving to work with more than 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the female almost 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the number of driving
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 recreation become second highest for
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 gender where about more than 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 with less than 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dominated more
trips
Fix the agreement mistake
trip
show examples
 purposes.
First,
Linking Words
the highest
car
Correct quantifier usage
number of car
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 trips taken by
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 was to go shopping with almost 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 only about 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 driving to courses
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
amore
Correct your spelling
more
a more
 than 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
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followed by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with approximately 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
majorities female
Fix the agreement mistake
the majority of females
show examples
driving
Replace the word
drive
show examples
 to several places
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
the bank
show examples
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
show examples
,
running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 errands,
visiting
Correct word choice
and visiting
show examples
 friends with less than 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in proportion.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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