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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011.

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011.
#rentals #sales #formats #films #store
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The given charts predict different formats of film both rentals and
sales
Use synonyms
 reported in 2002 and 2011. It is immediately noticeable that the
sales
Use synonyms
 of DVDs and rentals went
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the opposite directions of growth; rentals and VHS
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped
while
Linking Words
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The VHS were;
however
Linking Words
, got very few
sales
Use synonyms
, and Blu-ray had the least
sales
Use synonyms
 among all. Renting films was the most popular
2002
Change preposition
in 2002
show examples
 with almost 180,000 copies
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
borrowed;
however
Linking Words
, since
then
Linking Words
, the number
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 declined gradually until hit
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rock bottom in 2011 with just over 50,000 rental copies.
Similar
Add an article
A similar
show examples
 pattern of VHS in 2002, its amount of
sales
Use synonyms
 was the second to most which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 about 80,000
sales
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, it decreased until it reached 10,000
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2005 and completely gone in 2006. DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 started from around 40,000 companies but surged up to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak in 2007 with 210,000
sales
Use synonyms
 and
plateau
Wrong verb form
plateaued
show examples
 since
then
Linking Words
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the least among all is Blu-ray
sales
Use synonyms
 which started to
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
 in 2007 with less than 10,000
sales
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 slightly rose and ended the 2011 with just over 10,000
sales
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend
  • Rentals
  • Sales
  • Formats
  • VHS (Video Home System)
  • DVD (Digital Versatile Disc)
  • Blu-ray
  • Peak
  • Decline
  • Rise
  • Market changes
  • Digital downloads
  • Physical formats
  • Over the years
  • Annual
  • Comparison
  • Impact
  • Technological advancements
  • Shift
  • Predictions
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