IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that to produce a happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earnings between rich and poor. To what extend do you agree?

#people #society #difference #earnings
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
 believe that to generate a satisfied society
people
 must ensure that there is a tiny difference in profits between
wealthy
Correct article usage
the wealthy
show examples
 and the poor. In
this
 essay, we discuss
this
 issue. On the one hand, a lot of
people
 agree with
this
 statement and they think if we have a scanty contrast in earnings between the rich and poor we have a very progressive association with
people
 which has opportunities at the same level of quality life.
Moreover
,
this
 effect can be very useful for the weak part of the human generation
such
 as aged persons, women and children. But there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of individuals who did not think so. Differences in profits between wealthy and indigent
people
 can be one of the most powerful tools to open peoples' potential and can be helpful for discipline and motivate them to get better than others.
For example
, the huge number of famous, wealthy
people
 who talked about their way to a successful life was
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
very hard but they can do it and they have money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and success in their lives. In conclusion, in generating to happier society in some cases can be more
fdfuseful
Correct your spelling
useful
 to ensure the difference in earnings between rich and poor, but in some cases when the society has had
this
 difference it can be more motivate a lot of persons to get
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more successful in life.
Submitted by nobleness94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
It's beneficial to clearly introduce your topic with a more specific thesis statement that outlines your main arguments. This helps the reader understand your position from the beginning.
Body Paragraphs
Try to develop your paragraphs further with more detailed examples and explanations. While you've provided a general overview, specific instances can strengthen your argument.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Be mindful of grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Practicing complex sentence constructions can improve the overall flow of your essay.
Vocabulary
Using a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic can enhance your essay's persuasiveness and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Balanced Argumentation
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing your main points and restating your position in a new way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: