Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, tech) .To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
period of inflation, many people are warning overconsumption of young
generation Correct article usage
the young
on
fashion Change preposition
apply
trends
. Compared to old
generation, young people have Add an article
the old
tendency
to follow all Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
trends
and of being
part of them. In my opinion, I strongly agree with Change preposition
to be
this
notion and my opinion will be discussed in further
paragraphs with a suitable conclusion.
Supporting my agreement to
the given statement, I firmly believe that it can cause bad spending habits for Change preposition
with
younger
generation. They Add an article
the younger
a younger
are
usually Verb problem
apply
relying
on Wrong verb form
rely
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
parents
property Change noun form
parents'
parent's
and
Correct word choice
apply
it
means Correct pronoun usage
which
lack
of ability to manage money. Correct article usage
a lack
Also
, repetitive trends
shift stimulates
their desire to replace old Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulate
item
which functionally not ruined yet. Fix the agreement mistake
items
Moreover
, overconsumption can cause metal
illness Correct your spelling
mental
such
as depression and anxiety. For instance
, SNS concentrated life like people who post Instagram
Change preposition
on Instagram
everyday
with outfit photos can miss more Replace the word
every day
valued
things which they can spend for mutual development. And, comparing with others through those methods Replace the word
valuable
also
make self low evaluation.
Explaining some of the another supporting points
against Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
this
statement, it is true that fashion is essential
part of our Add an article
an essential
life
and rapid consumption can lead Fix the agreement mistake
lives
it
to new fancy Correct pronoun usage
apply
trends
.
In conclusion, I believe that aforementioned
points are strongly supporting my Correct article usage
the aforementioned
view point
for Correct your spelling
viewpoint
economical
reasons.Replace the word
economic
Submitted by minji.choi.1201 on
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Task Achievement
Make your thesis statement clearer in the introduction. Directly stating your opinion or standpoint on the topic will help readers understand your position from the start.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. This adds credibility to your claims and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a strong point of view and maintains focus on the topic throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main idea, and a concise conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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