IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: The most important aim of science should improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree the statement?

#topic #aim #science #people’s #lives
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Nowadays there is one theory which said that that the main goal of
science
Use synonyms
 should influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals’ lives. I personally believe that
,
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apply
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 creating
better
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a better
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 life and increasing
of
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apply
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people’s knowledge
are
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is
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 the most merit of
this
Linking Words
 idea
however
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;
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
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 of
smart
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the smart
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 generation is the only impact of it. My opinion will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. I think that using
range
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a range
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 of sciences
conduct
Verb problem
forces
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 you to use the
Linking Words
last
Correct your spelling
latest
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 versions of any technology whenever you get in trouble or want to solve any problems as soon as possible.
For instance
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; approximately 60 per cent of robots are used in many offices in Japan. So; the result of improvement of
science
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 is easily shown in developed countries these days.
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Secondly
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Secondly,
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 the more society
face
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faces
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to
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apply
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science
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, the more knowledgeable persons will
be appeared
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appear
have appeared
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 in each country. It helps governments to convince people quickly.
Furthermore
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,
new
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a new
the new
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 generation can make the
light
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apply
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future of society, because they can settle with managers with the highest similarity looks.
On the other hand
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; sometimes it
avoids
Verb problem
prevents
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persons
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people
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to think
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from thinking
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 about challenges a lot.
For example
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;
according to
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 American
news
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News
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 which was published 5 months ago, the rate
intelligence
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of intelligence
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 of children is being
to
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apply
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reduced annually. I have read one article which
was
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apply
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certainly mentioned that each person
have
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has
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 to settle three
problem
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problems
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 during the day.
To conclude
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, increasing information
of
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about
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 people and solving difficulties in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 short time are the most
influences
Replace the word
influential factors
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 of
science
Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
;
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
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 using
mind
Add an article
the mind
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 is one of the main
sequence
Change to a plural noun
sequences
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 of it.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic, avoiding ambiguous statements. A clear thesis statement would greatly improve clarity.
Paragraph Structure
Work on organizing your essay with clear and distinct paragraphs, each representing a singular main idea. This helps in enhancing the logical flow.
Cohesive Devices
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices beyond basic linking words (e.g., moreover, however) to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs.
Examples and Evidence
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the credibility and depth of your essay.
Language Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling, grammar, and vocabulary usage to improve the overall readability and formal tone of the essay. Avoid repetition by using synonyms.
Topic Addressed
Addresses the topic and provides a stance, meeting the basic requirements of the task.
Use of Examples
Attempts to use examples to support points, showing an effort to achieve task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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