IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. however ,some of the method used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities to what extent do you you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world, Foodstuffs are produced more affordable on account of fertilizer products and
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
chemistry,
such
Linking Words
 as insecticides and pesticides.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that synthetic techniques that have been utilized in uncertain ways may be risky to an individual's
health
Use synonyms
, others contend that they will have a negative impact on society. I believe that the more artificial additives are being used, the more dangerous human
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly persist in the face of disagreement. In terms of cheaper
food
Use synonyms
 products, it would likely reduce the costs and earn more revenue for each company.
However
Linking Words
, fertilizers and
machinery
Use synonyms
, are the most common methods to quickly make the grain grow, like cereals and rice.
For instance
Linking Words
, agronomists spread pesticides to prevent bugs and insects from eating crops, resulting in some
food
Use synonyms
may be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 discovered overdosed and leading to human
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, people perceive the chemistry and manures inside the raw
food
Use synonyms
 can lead to cancer, allergies, and other severe diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking advantage of manures and
machinery
Use synonyms
 to shorten the process of crops growing will decrease the manpower of agriculture.
For instance
Linking Words
, from the past twenty years to nowadays, owing to tractors and some other machines have made work easier, and many employees have been laid off from their companies.
Hence
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the above statement, the drawbacks of cheaper
food
Use synonyms
 using fertilizers and
machinery
Use synonyms
 indeed harm people's
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, not only
chemistry
Add a missing verb
are chemistry
show examples
addictives
Correct your spelling
additives
show examples
 added to the process of crop growing but
machinery
Use synonyms
 development can affect individuals'
health
Use synonyms
. Governments may come up with significant solutions to deal with
food
Use synonyms
 issues,
such
Linking Words
 as enacting laws to limit the products used and enforce healthy ways to grow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crops.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Work on providing more specific examples and evidence to support your viewpoints. Concrete evidence strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.
Task Response
Be cautious with overgeneralization. Whenever you make a claim, especially about the negative effects of chemicals in agriculture, ensure to back it up with data or a reference. This adds credibility to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to your essay organization. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by explanation and example(s). This makes your argument easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure more to demonstrate your language proficiency. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your writing more interesting and engaging.
Task Response
You effectively addressed the prompt, presenting a clear position and arguing it throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, providing a good framework for your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: