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Writing Samples
Band 8

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
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Over the past 50 years, Individuals have become used to the idea that they will probably live longer than their grandparents did.
However
, a longer life is only desirable if you can look after yourself and be independent,
otherwise
, there can be disadvantages for everyone. If you walk into a hospital in my country, you are likely to see a lot more elderly
people
 than you did in the past. In fact,
this
 is causing significant problems as there is a shortage of beds. Medical treatment is keeping the elderly alive, but at what cost to others? On top of
this
, one of the biggest medical problems these days is dementia. Even if old
people
 are still fit, they may not be able to look after themselves. They may have to live with their children or be cared for in a home, which can be expensive. Elderly
people
 do not like to be a burden, but their children can feel obliged to care for them. Obviously, not all old individuals become ill. Those who remain healthy can enjoy a happy old age as long as they have saved enough money. Individuals are much more active in their sixties and seventies than they used to be and
this
 can only be a good thing. They have time to enjoy their retirement and do a range of activities that they could not do when they were at work. They can
also
 help look after their grandchildren, which is a great benefit for working parents.
To sum up
, I believe that we should aim to keep
people
 as healthy as possible so that they can enjoy their old age without having to rely on others. A longer life expectancy is obviously advantageous, but no one wants to live to be 100 if they only cause problems for their family and society.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a well-reasoned argument with a clear structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your points. However, consider varying your sentence structures and using transition phrases to enhance flow and coherence between ideas.
Task Achievement
While you address the topic comprehensively, offering a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy, you could enhance your task response by further exploring the implications of your argument and suggesting possible solutions or ways to mitigate the disadvantages.
Task Achievement
You have provided a balanced view by exploring both the positive and negative aspects of increased life expectancy, effectively addressing the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument, reinforcing the importance of maintaining health in old age to maximize the benefits of increased life expectancy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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