Many people spend the whole day at a computer and don’t have much time for exercise. What problem does this lifestyle lead to? How can these problems be avoided?? Give reason for you answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge and experience.

Part of society
prones
Correct your spelling
prone
proves
to less physical activity owing to their
computer related
Add a hyphen
computer-related
show examples
work ,most part of the day. Generally,
this
can lead to personal
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
issues ;
hence
, in order to alleviate these
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
changes have to
implement
Wrong verb form
be implemented
show examples
and governing bodies should educate people on these aspects. First and foremost, Lack of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
can compromise
Correct article usage
the well-beign
show examples
well-beign
Correct your spelling
well-being
of an individual and,
stuck
Add a missing verb
being stuck
show examples
with
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
for long hours
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a
health
hazard to a person.When somebody looks at a
computer
for many hours a day ,that can affect the
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
of them badly
while
lack of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
involuntarily
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
the person more
prones
Correct your spelling
prone
to
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
diseases like
Diabetis
Correct your spelling
diabetes
, high blood pressure and hyperlipidemia.
For instance
,
accourding
Correct your spelling
according
to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reserch
Correct your spelling
research
done by the University of Peradeniya among
softwear
Correct your spelling
software
engineers , who were always with their computers at work and even at home, in the
kandy
Change the capitalization
Kandy
show examples
district, more than 75% of them had at least one
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
disease,
this
was only 25% among same age group labourers in same area.
Thus
,
this
clearly
define
Change the verb form
defines
show examples
the harm that it can
caused
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
.
Therefore
, to mitigate
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
problem individuals have to change their
lifestyle
and rulers of the nation should educate their citizens on
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
consequences of
this
.Every worker has to practice good
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
balance to change their
lifestyle
and in order to do that they have to allocate at least one hour for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily exercises, from their
shedule
Correct your spelling
schedule
.More than
this
,
legistators
Correct your spelling
legislators
have to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
in
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
delivering educational sessions for their countrymen on how to do that and
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
show examples
health
hazards in not doing so. As
such
,in countries like Australia ,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend more than 3%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
their national income on
health
education related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
lifestyle
modification of their community.
Thus
with these measures
sussesfully
Correct your spelling
we
can tackle the issue
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a larger scale. In conclusion, possible
compromization
Correct your spelling
compromisation
of
health
is a major problem people
whould
Correct your spelling
would
face
due to
glance
Wrong verb form
glancing
show examples
at a
computer
screen
wholeday
Correct your spelling
whole day
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
much
phsical
Correct your spelling
physical
activity ,and ,
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
to get rid
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
governing bodies should educate people on
lifestyle
modifications ,and individuals have to practice those to make their life free from above harmful effects.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with relevant examples. Enhancing the clarity and depth of your main points could further improve your score. Consider expanding your ideas with more detailed examples and a variety of sentence structures to make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next with clear transitions. This will make your essay easier to follow and strengthen your argumentation.
Task Achievement
While your use of examples is good, incorporating a wider range of specific, real-world examples could enhance the relevance and impact of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, providing a clear stance and rationale throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of an introductory paragraph and a conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
Task Achievement
You have successfully used a real-world example to support your arguments, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: