Many people spend the whole day at a computer and don’t have much time for exercise. What problem does this lifestyle lead to? How can these problems be avoided?? Give reason for you answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge and experience.
Part of society
prones
to less physical activity owing to their Correct your spelling
prone
proves
computer related
work ,most part of the day. Generally, Add a hyphen
computer-related
this
can lead to personal health related
issues ;Add a hyphen
health-related
hence
, in order to alleviate these life style
changes have to Correct your spelling
lifestyle
implement
and governing bodies should educate people on these aspects.
First and foremost, Lack of Wrong verb form
be implemented
exercises
can compromise Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
Correct article usage
the well-beign
well-beign
of an individual and, Correct your spelling
well-being
stuck
with Add a missing verb
being stuck
computer
for long hours Add an article
a computer
the computer
itself
is a Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
hazard to a person.When somebody looks at a computer
for many hours a day ,that can affect the eye sight
of them badly Correct your spelling
eyesight
while
lack of exercises
involuntarily Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
make
the person more Change the verb form
makes
prones
to Correct your spelling
prone
non communicable
diseases like Add a hyphen
non-communicable
Diabetis
, high blood pressure and hyperlipidemia. Correct your spelling
diabetes
For instance
, accourding
to Correct your spelling
according
a
Correct article usage
apply
reserch
done by the University of Peradeniya among Correct your spelling
research
softwear
engineers , who were always with their computers at work and even at home, in theCorrect your spelling
software
kandy
district, more than 75% of them had at least one Change the capitalization
Kandy
non communicable
disease, Add a hyphen
non-communicable
this
was only 25% among same age group labourers in same area. Thus
, this
clearly define
the harm that it can Change the verb form
defines
caused
.
Change the verb form
cause
Therefore
, to mitigate above
problem individuals have to change their Correct article usage
the above
lifestyle
and rulers of the nation should educate their citizens on health related
consequences of Add a hyphen
health-related
this
.Every worker has to practice good work life
balance to change their Add a hyphen
work-life
lifestyle
and in order to do that they have to allocate at least one hour for the
daily exercises, from their Correct article usage
apply
shedule
.More than Correct your spelling
schedule
this
, legistators
have to Correct your spelling
legislators
involve
in Wrong verb form
be involved
with
delivering educational sessions for their countrymen on how to do that and Change preposition
apply
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
health
hazards in not doing so. As such
,in countries like Australia , government
spend more than 3%Correct article usage
the government
from
their national income on Change preposition
of
health
education related with
Change preposition
to
lifestyle
modification of their community. Thus
with these measures sussesfully
can tackle the issue Correct your spelling
we
in
a larger scale.
In conclusion, possible Change preposition
on
compromization
of Correct your spelling
compromisation
health
is a major problem people whould
face Correct your spelling
would
due to
glance
at a Wrong verb form
glancing
computer
screen wholeday
Correct your spelling
whole day
with out
much Correct your spelling
without
phsical
activity ,and ,Correct your spelling
physical
inorder
to get rid Correct your spelling
in order
from
Change preposition
of
this
governing bodies should educate people on lifestyle
modifications ,and individuals have to practice those to make their life free from above harmful effects.Submitted by dinaka0001 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with relevant examples. Enhancing the clarity and depth of your main points could further improve your score. Consider expanding your ideas with more detailed examples and a variety of sentence structures to make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next with clear transitions. This will make your essay easier to follow and strengthen your argumentation.
Task Achievement
While your use of examples is good, incorporating a wider range of specific, real-world examples could enhance the relevance and impact of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, providing a clear stance and rationale throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of an introductory paragraph and a conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
Task Achievement
You have successfully used a real-world example to support your arguments, which is commendable.
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