In a public-funded health care system people who are willing to pay for the best and fastest treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Some argue that the individual who
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
afford to pay
money
can enjoy faster and better treatment in a public-funded medical sector. But, I completely disagree with the statement as
this
would create
Add an article
a
the
show examples
disadvantageous situation for
low- income
Correct your spelling
low-income
show examples
families.
Additionally
, it will
also
widen the gap between the rich and poor
due to
the
dicrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
in the health sector.
To begin
with, families who can not afford to pay
money
would be at
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
the most.
This
might lead to the worst possible outcome
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
. In a situation where two patients from different
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
background suffering from
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
deadly disease will be
priortised
Correct your spelling
prioritised
prioritized
based on
money
,
patient
Correct article usage
a patient
show examples
with
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
income might not be
priortised
Correct your spelling
prioritised
as he can't
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
to pay
money
for faster and better treatment. In
this
case patient with
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
income might end up
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
his life.
Furthermore
, the discrimination between the wealthy and poor person will lead to widen the gap between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
groups. The sense of inequality leads to
problem
Change the noun form
problems
show examples
such
as riots, depression and anxiety especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
like medical
emergency
Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
show examples
when we are trying to save our loved ones.
For instance
: In some states of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, crime and depression rates are sky
rocketting
Correct your spelling
rocketing
due to
discrimination or unequal treatment.
To conclude
, I believe no one should be treated differently on the basis of
monetry
Correct your spelling
monetary
capacity
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in health
divion
Correct your spelling
division
. As it might end up taking some
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
life or making someone feel unequal in some sense.
Submitted by vasudha.gupta0818 on

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Grammar & Spelling
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Specific Examples
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Essay Structure
Try to balance your essay structure effectively by evenly developing all parts of your argument, including both introduction and conclusion.
Linking Words
Utilize more sophisticated transitional phrases to improve flow and coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
Clarity of Position
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, which is commendable.
Cause and Effect Usage
You have good usage of cause and effect to support your main points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.

Word Count

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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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