IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram belows show the production of olive oil.

The diagram belows show the production of olive oil.
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The chart which is provided above presents the making of olive oil through step-by-step actions and instructions.
Overall
Linking Words
, the procedure has 7 different and complex steps that start with the picking of the fruits from trees to
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
being stored and sold in markets in the
last
Linking Words
 stage. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the creation begins by picking off the olives from their tree after which they are sent to a rinsing machine to be washed clean with cold water as the second step of the procedure. Following
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, the olives are smashed by a machine to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 the seeds from the fruits.
Then
Linking Words
 the following olive paste is put into a bag with holes in it
that is
Linking Words
consequently
Linking Words
 compressed by a pressing machine to separate the oil from the water.
Finally
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 the olive oil is
packeged
Correct your spelling
packaged
packed
 and sent to shops to be sold to the public.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harvesting
  • mechanized methods
  • impurities
  • crushed
  • malaxation
  • oil molecules
  • extraction
  • pressing
  • centrifugation
  • paste
  • efficiency
  • effectiveness
  • separation
  • purification
  • decantation
  • filtration
  • optimal conditions
  • preserved
  • distribution
  • packaging
  • shelf life
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