IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about thier own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and and give your own opinion.

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Beyond doubt, there have been many discussions revolving around the issue of whether a small number of
people
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 think that deciding
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children
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on children
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 on everyday matters may lead to a person who lives only his wish, or others support that
children
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 should make
decisions
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their
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on their
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 own. From my own perspective, I support both ideas
Correct word choice
that
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which
Correct word choice
that
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 making
decisions
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 is important for
children
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, but
this
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 should be implemented with guidance. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both ideas to explain why
people
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 believe these opinions
as well as
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 express my own ideas. To commence with,
children
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 do not understand the benefits and harms of matters for society or themselves. Namely, they
have
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do have
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 not any awareness about their choices that these cause some problems related to health or
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
For
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this
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 reason, they make
decisions
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 unconsciously. To give an example, if
children
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 choose their food without information, they can
feed
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fed
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 harmful food which can cause related
to
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apply
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health problems.
Furthermore
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, they cannot measure the impact of their
decisions
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 on the environment or society.
Consequently
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, all of these can end up with detrimental habits for them when they become mature
people
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.
On the other hand
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, making
decisions
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 is necessary for
children
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 because they ought to realize what they learn information about
right
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the right
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 or wrong
of
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apply
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things
as well as
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 to build self-confidence. If
children
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 are not allowed to make
decisions
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,
this
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 can end up with problems for them.
For instance
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, when they become grown person, they will not take risks, or they cannot do what they want to which type of career.
Furthermore
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, these types of
people
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 will face difficulties when they do not access their
parents
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. In my opinion, it is good that
children
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 are given an opportunity to make
decisions
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 with guidance. If
parents
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open
Add a missing verb
are open
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 to
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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their
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for their
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children
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for making
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to make
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decisions
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 with their guidance, it will
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
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 that their
children
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 will make good choices in the future.
To sum up
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, even though it is not important to decide on everything,
children
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 should be allowed to make
decisions
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 by their
parents
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. If
this
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 process is made with the control of
parents
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 until they grow up,
this
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 can be very beneficial for
children
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.

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Introduction Clarity
Be sure to directly address the prompt in your introduction for clarity.
Linguistic Range
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your writing.
Argument clarity
Clarify your personal stance early in the essay to guide the reader more effectively.
Use of Examples
Consider integrating more concrete examples to strengthen your arguments.
Accuracy
Proofread for minor grammatical inaccuracies and word choice errors to polish your essay.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay provided a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
Essay Structure
You have a clear essay structure, which helps in making your arguments coherent and easy to follow.
Effective Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates your stance, providing a satisfactory closure to the essay.
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