IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #plan #activities #leisure #time
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In today’s era, people care more and more for their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. It is argued that some people believe that people should have a specific detail planned for
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 but others believe that
leisure
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time
Use synonyms
 is enjoyed freely without plans. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think it
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
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 on
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
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 needs, which
i
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I
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 will elaborate
in
Change preposition
on in
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 the following essay. It is true that some plans help to enjoy a structured
leisure
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time
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.
For example
Linking Words
, concerts and musicals are great
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to entertain and enjoy free
time
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. These events all need booking in advance since it is popular and hosted in a venue. It is essential
have
Add the particle
to have
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 bookings in advance. For these
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activities
Add a comma
activities,
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 it is simply unrealistic to show up without a plan.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the reason to have some
down
Correct your spelling
downtime
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time
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 is to have the freedom to enjoy hobbies and various
activities
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, which doesn’t involve
with
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apply
show examples
planning. From personal experience, as a student, during the week
i
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I
show examples
 have a full schedule of
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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 for the day. It is important to keep track of all the lessons and studies. Whenever
i
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I
show examples
 have some free
time
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would try to relax and go with the flow. Because planning stresses me and makes me worried about
time
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 management. I enjoy
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 of
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in my own term, where
i
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I
show examples
 can spend days
of
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apply
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doing nothing but reading or
sleep
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sleeping
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 in In conclusion, some
activities
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 do need plans but there are a lot more relaxing
activities
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doesn’t
Wrong verb form
that don’t
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 need
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is better to enjoy
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shirley772023 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure variety in your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your arguments more engaging.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and typos, such as "i" instead of "I" and maintaining consistent tense throughout your essay, as they can detract from the professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on your examples by explaining how they support your viewpoint more explicitly, making your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
You have effectively discussed both viewpoints on planning leisure activities, providing a balanced analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly sums up your viewpoint, reflecting good essay structure practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next, demonstrating effective use of transition words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • detailed activities
  • making the most
  • variety of experiences
  • waste of time
  • over-scheduling
  • spontaneity
  • relaxation
  • increase stress
  • balanced approach
  • impromptu decisions
What to do next:
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