IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
Whether improvements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technological devices diminish the possibility of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal infection in society is an essential issue of public concern and debate.
Although
 unethical thoughts will never be eliminated, I will argue that there are potential benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing
technology
. There is a widely held view that the latest invention could influence people's lives by detrimental factors. Since new
technology
 comes up with new ideas on a daily basis, individuals believe in the formation of a modern way of danger
Rephrase
apply
show examples
consequently
. To clarify, the number of crimes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 assumed to be increased by these developments.
In addition
, another subsequent factor might be the lack of trust in modernization among nations.
Thus
, it is
of
Correct pronoun usage
one of
show examples
 the least favourable occasions for authorities to be in need of modern-tech assistance in order to catch a criminal.
Technology
 improvement,
on the other hand
, facilitated our daily life
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with a vast number of welcoming grounds. Thanks to these systems, most of the human being's barriers in the most efficient method
that is
 probable. Growing the social infrastructure,
this
 knowledge can monitor the quality of our lifestyles
as well as
 its ability to justify the
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 and to activate the conservational steps.
Moreover
, the positive aspects of
technology
 always outweigh the disadvantages in diverse situations,
therefore
, we will not decrease the use of that even if it has several drawbacks. In conclusion, despite the fact that the feasibility of crime might become much more advanced, I
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that up-to-the-minute knowledge will protect humankind and offer a more constructive approach owing to the upcoming preventive gadgets.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Ensure clarity in your argumentation by directly addressing the essay prompt in your introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear thesis statement, offering a balanced view of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have done well in structuring the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct idea.
Task Achievement
You have a good attempt at discussing both views before stating your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: