IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school
These days, a lot of
shipment
Fix the agreement mistake
shipments
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 like buses,
cars
,
trucks
Correct word choice
and trucks
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anticipated
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are anticipated
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 by humans.
Nonetheless
 , it would change the way of driverless vehicles. I will argue that the recognition in
this
 essay.The perception of driverless
cars
 can bypass all human mistakes . Be
reason
Add an article
the reason
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of
Change preposition
that
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 sometimes human is overwhelmed by their emotions and
consequences
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the consequences
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 bring them to unexpected
catastrophe
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catastrophes
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.
For
instance
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instance,
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 Brazil had one of the most widespread car accidents with a large number of
cars
 in 2011. It happened on September 15 on a road near the Brazilian city of Sao Paulo - more than 300
cars
 were damaged. The accident was provoked by the fact that the truck carrying chemicals lost control and drove into the oncoming lane. Notwithstanding people think that vehicles without drivers are perilous. They still want to calculate on humans rather than
reliant
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rely
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 on technology systems . Car errors can abruptly happen and they could bring catastrophic consequences like really dangerous accidents.Regardless
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 my opinion, the problems with unmanned vehicles can be solved by creating
cars
 that are very
well tested
Add a hyphen
well-tested
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. Taking everything into consideration we can say that driverless
cars
 will dominate our roads in the future.
Submitted by kooper507 on

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task achievement
Make sure the essay directly addresses the given topic. This essay seems to deviate towards discussing driverless vehicles rather than staying at school until age 18.
coherence cohesion
Build a clear introduction stating your position on the given topic to help the reader understand your standpoint right from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Using clear paragraphs to organize your essay would enhance its readability. Try to separate ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a concluding paragraph that summarizes your argument or stance effectively, reinforcing the essay's main point.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the essay's topic.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, such as the car accident in Brazil, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an effort to discuss the implications of new technologies, indicating an understanding of broader societal impacts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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