IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Cramming and immersion are becomingly increasingly recognised methods of gaining knowledge in an area, other people disagree and say that only through lifelong learning can a subject be learnt. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

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While
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 many people believe that cramming and
immersion
Use synonyms
 methods of learning are the most effective ones to learn a
language
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 or
skill
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, other people claim that becoming dominant
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 merely available through lifelong;
however
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, I hold the conviction that mixing both methods can work more
influentially
Rephrase
effectively
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. On the one hand, a
skill
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 can easily stick in mind,
according to
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 a widely held belief, if the learner has a situation in which he can use that
skill
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. Indeed, someone who starts learning a
language
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 or
skill
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 theoretically, but does not have the opportunity to utilize the
skill
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 practically, would not be able to identify his weak points and upgrade his abilities to an advanced level.
Therefore
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, cramming and
immersion
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 are considered a superior procedure to help a
person
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 improve his capabilities. Take a French
language
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 learner as an example who is able to learn the required grammatical structures, vocabularies, and even idioms,
however
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, he would be a native-like speaker if he lived in a French-speaking country.
This
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 is because a
person
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 has the chance to interact with native speakers, and
hence
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 he is able to speak, listen, and write in French accurately.
However
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, other people believe that,
for example
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, learning a
language
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 cannot be limited to residing in a country, rather it requires
a
Correct article usage
apply
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long-term exposure, repetition, learning, and attention.
This
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 is why an expert
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
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 a considerable amount of life learning and improving a
skill
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.
Therefore
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, that
skill
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 cannot be expected to be learnt and improved in a short amount of time.
Additionally
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, it is believed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 learning something using cramming and
immersion
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 cannot lead to reaching an acceptable level of skillfulness. A
person
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 who learnt plumbery experientially,
for instance
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, may fix trivial problems in his house, yet, he is not able to work as a professional plumber since he does not have the ability to detect fundamental issues. In conclusion, after considering the above-mentioned points, I believe that neither cramming and
immersion
Use synonyms
 nor lifelong learning can work separately. A
person
Use synonyms
 who aims to learn a
language
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 or a
skill
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 must focus on the required rules and points
while
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 he is taking advantage of cramming and
immersion
Use synonyms
 simultaneously.

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Structure refinement
Your introduction sets a clear thesis, which is good. However, refining the sentence structure for clarity can enhance the presentation of your argument.
Utilization of transitions
Try to use more transitional phrases to smoothly connect paragraphs and ideas. This can elevate the coherence of your essay.
Tone consistency
Pay attention to maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid using contractions and overly informal language.
Conclusion enhancement
In the conclusion, succinctly reiterate your main points to reinforce your stance. This summary enhances the impact of your argument.
Sentence variety
Consider integrating more diverse sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. Variety in your writing keeps the reader engaged and showcases your language skills.
Proofreading for errors
Be cautious of slight grammatical errors and typos. These can be easily overlooked but they slightly detract from the overall quality. Regular proofreading can help eliminate these minor mistakes.
Use of examples
Effective use of examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the persuasiveness of your essay.
Balanced argumentation
Balanced discussion of both views before stating your own perspective. This approach demonstrates your ability to consider multiple sides of an issue.
Effective conclusion
Your conclusion effectively recapitulates your argument, which is crucial for task achievement.
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