It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance?
It has been argued that a large number of
people
who had a big impact on the world were completely devoted to their work
and did not care about the notion of work
-life balance. Whilst people
need to be invested in their professional lives to do their work
the best they can, I believe that we need to prioritise the time
we spend with our family and friends, which makes us feel happy and mentally healthy.
People
who are completely devoted to their work
often have a career plan and do everything possible to be promoted to the top of the ladder, which can damage their personal and sentimental lives. For example
, young workers with high-responsibility positions focus only on their jobs and don't have time
to be invested in a long-term love relationship, which leads them to be single for a long time
.
People
who choose to have a balanced work
-life, however
, can enjoy personal moments with their family and friends. They take time
for their loved ones. For example
, they organize their work
time
to pick up their children from school and do more work
at home. Additionally
, giving priority to spending time
with relatives or friends encourages a balanced mental health. As an aside, the notion of work
-life balance is very important in New Zealand, which allows people
to feel happy and open towards others. Moreover
, sharing time
between work
and personal time
allows people
to give their free time
to others . In other words
, being more selfish can make them more generous. For example
,they can spend time
in charity organizations.
In conclusion, whilst we have to be invested in our work
to do it the best we can, I believe that we need to care more about a well-balanced life shared between work
and free time
, which allows people
to feel happier and healthier.Submitted by leared on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of varying sentence structure and complexity to enhance readability and engagement. This includes using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider expanding upon your examples with more detailed explanations or by incorporating statistics or studies. This would add depth and persuasiveness to your essay.
General
Check for small inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation that can subtly impact the clarity of your writing. Although rare, these errors can detract from the overall impression.
Introduction
Your introduction sets a strong foundation for the essay, clearly outlining your stance on the importance of work-life balance.
Use of Examples
You effectively used examples to support your points, which helps in making your argument more tangible and relatable.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reiterating the importance of a balanced approach between work and personal life.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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