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Writing Samples /
Band 1

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #self #work #company #organisation #be #case
n
Correct your spelling
In
this
 era numerical individuals prefer to be
owner
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owners
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 of
ther
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their
 own organisation, rather than being
employee
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employees
show examples
 in
an
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a
show examples
 specific job. I agree, that numerous people want to be
onwer
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owners
 of their work because they want freedom and to be tax benefits.
However
 sole
trader
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traders
show examples
also
 have lots of drawbacks like
huge
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the huge
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 capital
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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required and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 person for their business
expension
Correct your spelling
expenses
.
Firstly
, Working as a sole trader will
led
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lead
show examples
 you
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many advantages like freedom. The boss will have
power
Add an article
the power
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of
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over
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whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 business organisation
for example
, my father is
owner
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the owner
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 of his own business now he will decide when to work and
also
 he
have
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has
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 all
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the freedoms
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freedoms
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freedom
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 to take holidays without asking
to
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apply
show examples
anyone.
Furthermore
, my father
do
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does
show examples
 not have to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rely
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Logical structure
Make sure to structure your essay more effectively by having a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes your argument easier to follow.
Introduction/Conclusion
Include a conclusion to summarize your points and restate your main argument. It gives your essay a clear end.
Clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more fully by expanding on your points with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. This will strengthen your argument and increase task achievement.
Complete response
Check for incomplete sentences and ensure your essay is complete. Your essay seems to cut off abruptly, indicating it is unfinished.
Supported main points
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This helps to keep your writing coherent and allows the reader to understand your points more easily.
Language use
Diversify your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to better showcase your language skills.
Critical thinking
Addressing both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed) shows an understanding of the task.
Use of examples
The use of personal example (mention of your father) is a good way to illustrate your points, making them more relatable and tangible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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