IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #self #work #company #organisation #be #case
n
Correct your spelling
In
this
 era numerical individuals prefer to be
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 of
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 own organisation, rather than being
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 specific job. I agree, that numerous people want to be
onwer
Correct your spelling
owners
 of their work because they want freedom and to be tax benefits.
However
 sole
trader
Fix the agreement mistake
traders
show examples
also
 have lots of drawbacks like
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
show examples
 capital
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
required and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 person for their business
expension
Correct your spelling
expenses
.
Firstly
, Working as a sole trader will
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 you
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many advantages like freedom. The boss will have
power
Add an article
the power
show examples
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 business organisation
for example
, my father is
owner
Add an article
the owner
show examples
 of his own business now he will decide when to work and
also
 he
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 all
Correct article usage
the freedoms
show examples
freedoms
Fix the agreement mistake
freedom
show examples
 to take holidays without asking
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anyone.
Furthermore
, my father
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rely
Submitted by tushalk329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical structure
Make sure to structure your essay more effectively by having a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes your argument easier to follow.
Introduction/Conclusion
Include a conclusion to summarize your points and restate your main argument. It gives your essay a clear end.
Clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more fully by expanding on your points with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. This will strengthen your argument and increase task achievement.
Complete response
Check for incomplete sentences and ensure your essay is complete. Your essay seems to cut off abruptly, indicating it is unfinished.
Supported main points
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This helps to keep your writing coherent and allows the reader to understand your points more easily.
Language use
Diversify your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to better showcase your language skills.
Critical thinking
Addressing both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed) shows an understanding of the task.
Use of examples
The use of personal example (mention of your father) is a good way to illustrate your points, making them more relatable and tangible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!