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Band 5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or this agree with this opinion.

#technologies #lives #consumers #agree
Nowadays it is observed that
extension
Correct article usage
the extension
show examples
 of new
technologies
business
 is constantly increasing over current years, and it is arguable that
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of customers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 influenced and undergone some
changes
 because of
technology
 and its
business
. It seems to me that
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
excessive
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in new
technologies
,
people
’s
lives
 have changed enormously. I will explain about
changes
 that
caused
Add a missing verb
are caused
show examples
 by
technology
 with some examples in
this
 essay. To start with, it appears that by
advancement
Add an article
the advancement
show examples
 of
technology
 and
extension
Correct article usage
the extension
show examples
 of its
business
 the
lives
 of users
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 impressed and transformed
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a different way not as it was before. in previous era before
technology
coming
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
,
people
 used to hang out with each other and there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more humanity and devotion running between them, but for
this
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
 all has left is about exploring and browsing among new
technologies
 and
honestly
Add a comma
honestly,
show examples
 it seems that
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 now are more enthusiastic in unreal things
such
 as robots, AI, computers and other related subjects.
Furthermore
, it seems that because of the development of
technologies
 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
business
 in broader fields, the need for human
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 has decreased.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
this
progress
Add a comma
progress,
show examples
 both in
technology
 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
business
 which has become
widely
Change the word
wide
show examples
 all over the World, employment of
people
 in some jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 surprisingly less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 before and it has made a huge alternation in life
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
,
for example
, because of the translation ability in new
technologies
, translator’s expertness is useless now and there is no need for them.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is true that a part of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 doesn’t have any interest in using
this
technology
 and
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 to live without
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 group, the majority of
people
 are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
 users and their
lives
 are dependent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it, so they have all had
changes
 in their life compared to no
technology
 era.
To conclude
, for most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
, it is necessary to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
technology
 because all of their interests and interactions are related to it, so it was calculable that by
this
 advancement of
technology
 and its
business
 of buying and selling, some activities would have some
changes
 by time.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
It's commendable that you clearly stated your opinion and maintained it throughout the essay, illustrating the impact of technology on people's lives. To further enhance your essay, strive to introduce more specific examples that directly support your arguments, which can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider more carefully organizing your ideas within paragraphs and using transitional phrases to smoothly connect them. This will make your argumentation stronger and easier for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
In terms of cohesion, it's beneficial to revisit the use of cohesive devices and ensure they're seamlessly integrated into your text. While your effort to link ideas is evident, focusing on varied and nuanced connectors can reinforce the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the essay topic effectively, providing a clear stance on the influence of technology on consumers' lives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly recapitulates your stance, underscoring the necessity of new technology in modern life. This symmetrically rounds off the discussion, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You've successfully covered a broad spectrum of ideas related to technology's impact. This demonstrates your ability to conceptualize and discuss complex issues, an important skill in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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