IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or this agree with this opinion.

#technologies #lives #consumers #agree
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Nowadays it is observed that
extension
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the extension
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 of new
technologies
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business
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 is constantly increasing over current years, and it is arguable that
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lives
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the lives
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 of customers
has
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have
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 influenced and undergone some
changes
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 because of
technology
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 and its
business
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. It seems to me that
by
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with
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this
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 much
of
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apply
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excessive
interests
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interest
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 in new
technologies
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,
people
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’s
lives
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 have changed enormously. I will explain about
changes
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 that
caused
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are caused
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 by
technology
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 with some examples in
this
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 essay. To start with, it appears that by
advancement
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the advancement
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 of
technology
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 and
extension
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the extension
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 of its
business
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 the
lives
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 of users
is
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are
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 impressed and transformed
to
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in
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 a different way not as it was before. in previous era before
technology
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coming
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came
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,
people
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 used to hang out with each other and there
were
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was
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 more humanity and devotion running between them, but for
this
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generation
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generation,
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 all has left is about exploring and browsing among new
technologies
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 and
honestly
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honestly,
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 it seems that
peoples
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people
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 now are more enthusiastic in unreal things
such
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 as robots, AI, computers and other related subjects.
Furthermore
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, it seems that because of the development of
technologies
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 and
its
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apply
show examples
business
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 in broader fields, the need for human
labor
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labour
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 has decreased.
By
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With
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this
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progress
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progress,
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 both in
technology
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 and
its
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apply
show examples
business
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 which has become
widely
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wide
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 all over the World, employment of
people
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 in some jobs
are
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is
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 surprisingly less
that
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than
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 before and it has made a huge alternation in life
situation
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situations
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,
for example
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, because of the translation ability in new
technologies
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, translator’s expertness is useless now and there is no need for them.
Although
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,
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apply
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 it is true that a part of
population
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the population
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 doesn’t have any interest in using
this
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technology
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 and
prefer
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prefers
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 to live without
them
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it
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but
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apply
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despite
of
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apply
show examples
this
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 group, the majority of
people
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 are considered
as
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apply
show examples
technology
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 users and their
lives
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 are dependent
to
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on
show examples
 it, so they have all had
changes
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 in their life compared to no
technology
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 era.
To conclude
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, for most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
people
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, it is necessary to use
the
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apply
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new
technology
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 because all of their interests and interactions are related to it, so it was calculable that by
this
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 advancement of
technology
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 and its
business
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 of buying and selling, some activities would have some
changes
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 by time.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
It's commendable that you clearly stated your opinion and maintained it throughout the essay, illustrating the impact of technology on people's lives. To further enhance your essay, strive to introduce more specific examples that directly support your arguments, which can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider more carefully organizing your ideas within paragraphs and using transitional phrases to smoothly connect them. This will make your argumentation stronger and easier for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
In terms of cohesion, it's beneficial to revisit the use of cohesive devices and ensure they're seamlessly integrated into your text. While your effort to link ideas is evident, focusing on varied and nuanced connectors can reinforce the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the essay topic effectively, providing a clear stance on the influence of technology on consumers' lives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly recapitulates your stance, underscoring the necessity of new technology in modern life. This symmetrically rounds off the discussion, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You've successfully covered a broad spectrum of ideas related to technology's impact. This demonstrates your ability to conceptualize and discuss complex issues, an important skill in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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