IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future. Others feel it will still have some uses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion!

#people #money #future
It
is commonly believe
Change the verb form
is commonly believed
show examples
 that online
payment
 will be more used than paper
money
 in the future and other
people
 think it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still
many
Add a missing verb
have many
show examples
 uses. In my opinion, paying on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 will be more beneficial and essential because digital media
grow
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
 up in
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 time.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I
also
 believe that there will be some
people
 who strongly suggest
payment
 with physical
money
 because of the security problems.
To begin
 with, living in a technology world has a
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
significant impact on
people
.It can be seen that nowadays
people
use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online options often because of the variety
for example
 they consider online
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 rather than
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
.
Moreover
, there are many
people
 who
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online shopping
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 reason they tend to pay online. Despite
this
 digital
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
, some of them will
be insist
Change the verb form
insist
show examples
to
Change preposition
on using
show examples
use
 paper
money
. One of the vital
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 can be security problems. With advancing technology,
people
 will
be concern
Change the verb form
be concerned
show examples
 more
about
Correct word choice
concerned about
show examples
 privacy because there are many programs which
violates
Change the verb form
violate
show examples
 confidentiality
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
 sharing our passwords and personal information may be some examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 problem.
Consequently
,
this
 issue can
be break
Change the verb form
break
show examples
 trust and
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
show examples
 up with serious damage to our lives in the future. In conclusion, there are many advantages to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 digital
payment
also
 it can
be provide
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 faster and easier
payment
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
. In comparison, lack of privacy and security issues can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead to
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
physical
Change preposition
of physical
show examples
money
 in the coming years.
Submitted by muge2k on

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Structure
Ensure a clear structure to your essay, with distinct introduction, main body, and conclusion paragraphs to improve clarity.
Development of Ideas
Expand on your examples with more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
Language Accuracy
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and to reduce the number of typographical errors for clearer expression.
Task Response
You've effectively presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which is excellent for task response.
Coherence
Use of topic sentences to introduce paragraphs helped in establishing coherence.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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