Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future. Others feel it will still have some uses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion!
It
is commonly believe
that online Change the verb form
is commonly believed
payment
will be more used than paper money
in the future and other people
think it can be
still Unnecessary verb
apply
many
uses. In my opinion, paying on Add a missing verb
have many
internet
will be more beneficial and essential because digital media Add an article
the internet
grow
up in Wrong verb form
has grown
these
time. Correct determiner usage
this
However
I Add a comma
However,
also
believe that there will be some people
who strongly suggest payment
with physical money
because of the security problems.
To begin
with, living in a technology world has a some
significant impact on Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
.It can be seen that nowadays people
use
the
online options often because of the variety Correct article usage
apply
for example
they consider online lesson
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
face to face
. Add a hyphen
face-to-face
Moreover
, there are many people
who addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
with
online shopping Change preposition
to
with
Change preposition
for
this
reason they tend to pay online.
Despite this
digital growing
, some of them will Replace the word
growth
be insist
Change the verb form
insist
to
Change preposition
on using
use
paper money
. One of the vital example
can be security problems. With advancing technology, Change to a plural noun
examples
people
will be concern
more Change the verb form
be concerned
about
privacy because there are many programs which Correct word choice
concerned about
violates
confidentialityChange the verb form
violate
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
for instance
sharing our passwords and personal information may be some examples Change preposition
of
for
Change preposition
of
this
problem. Consequently
, this
issue can be break
trust and Change the verb form
break
ends
up with serious damage to our lives in the future.
In conclusion, there are many advantages to Correct subject-verb agreement
end
use
digital Wrong verb form
using
payment
also
it can be provide
faster and easier Change the verb form
provide
payment
option
. In comparison, lack of privacy and security issues can Fix the agreement mistake
options
be
lead to Unnecessary verb
apply
use
Correct article usage
the use
physical
Change preposition
of physical
money
in the coming years.Submitted by muge2k on
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Structure
Ensure a clear structure to your essay, with distinct introduction, main body, and conclusion paragraphs to improve clarity.
Development of Ideas
Expand on your examples with more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
Language Accuracy
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and to reduce the number of typographical errors for clearer expression.
Task Response
You've effectively presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which is excellent for task response.
Coherence
Use of topic sentences to introduce paragraphs helped in establishing coherence.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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