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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
The
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 of learning is the parent's responsibility, so many views are arising
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
 the right of allowing
children
 to not learn, some believe that
children
 must learn during their first 18 years,
while
 others reject that. In
this
 report I will go through each side and present their claims,
then
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and then
show examples
 I will say
me
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my
show examples
 position
among
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on
show examples
this
 argument. Learning is useful, helpful, and
neccessary
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necessary
 to get a
satisfing
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satisfying
 life;
as a result
,
children
 must be forced to learn until they turn adults. Young people do not recognize what
good
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is good
show examples
 for them, so they prefer to choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cheerful activities
instead
 of
chosing
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choosing
 to study.
Dependening
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Depending
 on a
surviy
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survey
 that asked people under 18 which choice
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 better, the majority
prefered
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preferred
 playing
rathar
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rather
 than learning.
In addition
, some argue
Correct word choice
that olders
show examples
olders
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older
 should let
children
 lead their lives, and when they grow up they might start learning.
However
, many studies say that adults will regret
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 learning during childhood is much easier than learning in adulthood. These studies presented that many factors affect studying for elders
such
 as
carring
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carrying
caring
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a varity
show examples
varity
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variety
 of responsibilities and the brain
become
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becoming
show examples
 less active which
make
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makes
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 learning more difficult.
Although
 the above points are strong, there are opposite points
hold
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that hold
show examples
 equal strength. Looking at another aspect
,
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apply
show examples
 displays that forcing a child to do something -even if it is beneficial- leads to hating it. many reports said that it is better to not learn at all than learn by
forcing
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force
show examples
 because the child will not get any benefit
ftom
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from
 forced learning. Another point is some studies
claims
Change the verb form
claim
show examples
 that
children
's
intelligance
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intelligence
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 different,
whereas
 some brains are practical which means they can learn by working
instead
 of listening, or watching the teacher's explanation. In conclusion, demanding
children
 to learn
extremely
Add a missing verb
is extremely
show examples
 helpful
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 its benefits
overweghit
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outweigh
 the other view, because of that, I strongly agree with the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 of requiring young people to learn until they become 18.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduce your topic and state your opinion clearly in the introduction. Develop each side of the argument in separate paragraphs in the body, and summarize your view in the conclusion.
Grammar/Spelling
Work on proofreading your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your message. Pay particular attention to the correct spelling of words and proper sentence structure.
Supporting Evidence
To strengthen your argument, try to include more specific examples and evidence. This adds credibility to your points and makes them more persuasive.
Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This makes your argument easier to follow and understand.
Balanced Argument
You've presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is excellent for fully addressing the essay question.
Clear Conclusion
Your conclusion clearly states your position, effectively summarizing your viewpoint and the reasons behind it.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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