Children are experiencing increasing educational, social, and commercial pressures. what are the causes? what measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

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In
this
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contemporary era, youngsters have been experiencing academic, community and merchant tension on them.
This
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essay will shed light on a myriad of possible reasons behind
this
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situation in
kids
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, and detail some of the solutions to be addressed. To commence with, there are numerous reasons for encountering the situation.
Firstly
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, It is not exaggerating to explain the pressures laid by
parents
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and tutors on students for competitive qualification at eminent tertiary institutes. To exemplify, students have to sacrifice their other quality time for overwhelming classes after their authentic school hours to gain higher grades in academic.
Secondly
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, the influence of social media creates a considerable amount of stress between peers.
For Instance
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, expensive products
such
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as instrumental boxes, school bags, tumblers and lunch boxes gifted by
parents
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create envy among
kids
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at schools.
Thus
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, leading
such
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a luxurious lifestyle from unprecedented
parents
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creates tremendous invisible pressure on youngsters. There are a number of possible solutions to tackle
this
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argument.
Firstly
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,
Parents
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should allow some precious time for extracurricular activities.
This
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will motivate them to use their authentic interests and passion for joyful learning.
Secondly
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, enhances the communication between guardians and juveniles as it leads to a smooth friendly relationship between offspring which, reduces the physical and mental barriers in
kids
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.
Last
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but not least, alleviates the usage of social media in offspring,
consequently
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reducing the harmful impacts on peers. In a nutshell, strength among peers through social websites and competitive educational fields creates an enormous force on
kids
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,
Instead
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, expanding the genuine hours for
kids
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to spend quality time for their actual interests and goals.
Submitted by athulyaraj0011 on

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Language use
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and complexity. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
Language use
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor errors in spelling and grammar to ensure clarity and professionalism.
Content development
To further improve your score, try to include more specific examples and evidence to back up your points, making your argument more compelling.
Structure
You provided a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content coverage
You effectively addressed both parts of the question, exploring reasons for pressures on children and suggesting measures to reduce these pressures.
Lexical resource
Good use of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'academic, community and merchant tension', 'competitive qualification', 'extracurricular activities').

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pressures
  • Stress
  • Competition
  • Expectations
  • Peer influence
  • Technology
  • Media
  • Standardization
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Extracurriculars
  • Education reform
  • Financial support
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