IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should make public transportation free in order to reduce the number of private vehicles on roads, therefore leading to lower carbon emissions

#governments #transportation #vehicles #roads #carbon #emissions
In
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
recent
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
 we
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
going
Wrong verb form
gone
show examples
further
 and
further
 in
technology
 and linking every subject with it to bring new methods to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Education is
also
 one of the subjects that
connected
Add a missing verb
is connected
show examples
 with
technology
 and now it's getting more effective. Nowadays the combination of
technology
 with education is bringing new affordable tools for learning. Thanks to the
technology
, there are tons of e-books and virtual
courses
 on the internet that everyone can use in order to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their educational desires.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 the
accessablity
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 that gets smoother
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, the affordability of online methods is
also
 one of the other benefits of connection of education to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
. With new
technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
show examples
 no one can say that they don't have the
oppurtinity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
of learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 and
this
 makes a more knowledgeable and skilled community.
Furthermore
, online
courses
 and e-books brought easier learning to our world. Other advantages of taking online
courses
 are not
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 time because of commuting and traffic, and saving money. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 if someone prefers to have online classes, they can connect and have their class in anywhere, even from another country. Isn't it amazing that learning is getting easier
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
?
Although
technology
 brought innovative ways
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 learning, it has
also
 some negative impacts
such
 as having more opportunities for cheating and receiving unfair marks. It's important to educate people and teach them that learning is not just
receiving
Change preposition
about receiving
show examples
 good scores but
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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about learning and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge. The government should inform the community about the negative results of just receiving a good mark
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online classes, and encourage them to see these
courses
 as a
chanse
Correct your spelling
chance
for growing
Change preposition
to grow
show examples
 our
datas
Correct your spelling
data
.
As a result
, it's obvious that linking these two subjects with each other has positive and negative sides as well. It's up to the person
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how they want to use
this
chanse
Correct your spelling
chance
. It's
also
 important to inform people about the bad effects of
miss using
Correct your spelling
misusing
show examples
technology
 so that they choose correct ways.
Submitted by salvador.esquivel.d on

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Task Focus
Make sure to directly address the essay question from the beginning and stay focused on the topic throughout your essay. Your essay seems to discuss the impact of technology on education rather than addressing the specific topic about public transportation and carbon emissions.
Structure
Improve the logical structure by more clearly dividing your essay into paragraphs that individually address separate points related to the prompt. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence.
Evidence
Use specific examples to support your arguments better. While you mention the benefits of technology in education, linking your arguments to clear, real-world examples would strengthen your essay.
Grammar and Spelling
Review and correct spelling errors ('oppurtinity' should be 'opportunity', 'accessablity' should be 'accessibility', 'persue' should be 'pursue'), as well as grammatical mistakes for a clearer presentation.
Sentence Variety
You effectively use a variety of sentence structures to articulate your ideas, which makes your essay engaging to read.
Engagement
Your enthusiasm for the subject matter comes through strongly in your writing, which helps to engage the reader.
Topic Understanding
You've addressed the importance of technology in education, highlighting key benefits such as accessibility and affordability, which shows your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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