IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Governments should make public transportation free in order to reduce the number of private vehicles on roads, therefore leading to lower carbon emissions.

#governments #transportation #vehicles #roads #carbon #emissions
Nowadays, fast
food
will
Verb problem
has
show examples
 become popular and is increasing significantly.
Due to
this
, our traditional
foods
 and methods of preparation can be replaced by foreign
foods
 or
convenience
foods
.
On the other hand
,
this
 trend may be a good selection but has a bad impact in other states. On the one hand, if
foods
 cook faster,
also
 sell cheaper, and
people
 tend to buy more
food
. If
foods
 have will be unusual,
such
 as
convenience
food
 and tastier,
people
 desire to buy appear interested that's
foods
 will buy.
For example
, hamburgers, sandwiches and lavashs.
Moreover
,
people
 learned how to new
food
 and new recept cooking, rather than eating their national dish all the time.
On the other hand
, for various reasons, it would be wrong to replace traditional
foods
 with
convenience
foods
. Especially,
convenience
foods
 are physically dangerous to humans because they are high in sugar, carbohydrates, or saturated fat and lack vitamins or minerals.
Furthermore
, if all individuals prefer to buy only
convenience
foods
, their traditional
foods
, traditional culture and methods of preparation can disappear. If
people
 get used to using
convenience
foods
 they can be lazy and, they may even will not even be able to cook for their family members. In conclusion,it all depends on the person. If
people
 balance their consumption of fast
foods
, don't their traditional
foods
.
Submitted by salvador.esquivel.d on

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Relevance
Try to directly respond to the task's statement and remain focused on the given topic throughout your essay. Your response drifted away from the initial topic about public transportation and carbon emissions.
Structure
Organize your essay more effectively by clearly dividing it into an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each part serves its purpose (introduce the topic, develop your arguments, and conclude your discussion).
Support
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more engaging and informative.
Language
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Simple, clear sentences are often more effective than complex ones with errors.
Engagement
You attempted to cover multiple aspects of the topic, showing an effort to engage with the discussion.
Example use
You provided examples, such as hamburgers, sandwiches, and lavash, to illustrate your points, which helps in demonstrating practical implications.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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