IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The diagrams below compare the layout of a typical Japanese office and a typical American office.

The diagrams below compare the layout of a typical Japanese office and a typical American office.
The picture illustrates how a typical Japanese
office
Use synonyms
 and a typical American
office
Use synonyms
 are arranged and
then
Linking Words
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
together. What stands out from the diagram is that the designation of a common
office
Use synonyms
 in Japan shows the ranking in job titles to serve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the purpose of convenient management
while
Linking Words
 there are
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
separate
 areas for each specified functional
Use synonyms
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
show examples
. It can be clearly seen that the space for
department
Correct article usage
the department
show examples
 manager will be placed
separatedly
Correct your spelling
separately
 at the highest position right in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
room
Use synonyms
, which is
also
Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 only place to be allowed to look outside through windows. Below the site for department
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 are areas for junior managers like section managers which are located at the same level of
office
Use synonyms
 desks if they are at the same level of
office
Use synonyms
 desks if they are at the same management level. Each section manager will supervise lines of their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
, which contain 2 tables placed in face-to-face direction per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
line in order to facilitate open communication between
office
Use synonyms
 workers. In
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to the layout of a typical American
office
Use synonyms
,
rooms
Use synonyms
 of all managers are gathered
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right of the
office
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 serving
rooms
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as conference
rooms
Use synonyms
, a storage
room
Use synonyms
 and a copy
room
Use synonyms
 are established
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left of the same
room
Use synonyms
.
Staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
Staff
show examples
 in America take it easy in looking for facilities supporting their work
such
Linking Words
 as printers,
storage
Correct word choice
and storage
show examples
 cabinets right in their working area
while
Linking Words
 Japanese people have to go out for other functional
rooms
Use synonyms
. In the centre of the
office
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 lines of staff desks which
Add a missing verb
are surrouned
show examples
surrouned
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by a partition for each desk which provides staff
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
private space so that they can concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their work best. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a typical Japanese
office
Use synonyms
 is designed to
aim to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
monitor staff activities, offices in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 are organized to bring workers a comfortable and individual
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words office, rooms, room with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: