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Band 8

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on family life and society?

#people #children #life #effects #society
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A growing number of young married couples these days choose to delay having
children
Use synonyms
 until later in life.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind
this
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 tendency before clarifying its detrimental impacts on family and community as a whole. There are a few reasons why some families choose not to become parents soon. First and foremost, young couples make
this
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 decision because they want to pursue their career.
In particular
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, individuals allocate the initial years of their adulthood to prioritize their professional goals, which means that they only start building a family once they have achieved certain professional milestones.
Secondly
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, young adults want to enjoy their life first.
For instance
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, some married couples may want to put off having offspring in order to travel or pursue studies overseas with each other, which would enable them to spend more time together and make more memories. Having
children
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 later is negative
overall
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 for society and family life. The first impact is that raising kids at an old age is more challenging than that at a young age.
This
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 is because their health would not only decline but
also
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 their
children
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 are too little to self-manage.
Furthermore
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, older mothers are more prone to health risks during pregnancy and their
children
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 are more exposed to innate diseases. If they give birth when they are too old, the babies being born might be less physically healthy.
This
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 might adversely affect the quality of the future workforce if too many people decide to follow
this
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 trend. In conclusion, there are several factors that contribute to the growing preference for delayed parenthood, which can have adverse effects on both family and society as a whole.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve, you may consider diversifying your sentence structures more and aim to include a wider variety of linking words to enhance cohesion between ideas.
Task Achievement
Incorporating more real-life examples or statistics could further strengthen your argument and give more weight to your discussion, enhancing your task achievement score.
Balanced Discussion
For a higher score, ensure a balanced discussion by expanding on both sides of the argument where applicable, especially in topics that invite discussion on advantages and disadvantages or reasons and implications.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay.
Logical Structure
You have maintained a logical flow of ideas throughout, which aids in the reader's understanding.
Task Response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task by addressing both causes and effects as requested.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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