IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Good planning is the key sector to success. To what extent do you agree?

#sector #success
Nowadays,
Cyber bullying
Correct your spelling
Cyberbullying
show examples
 has become a huge issue for young
adosenlets
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 in the world. Cyberbullying is
hassament
Correct your spelling
harassment
testament
 by using digital technology
such
 as social networks or
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
messaging apps. The behaviour of
people
 who do
this
 is to intimidate, or blame the person being bullied. The purpose of
this
 essay is to explain the reason why
this
 situation happened, the
effect
 of cyberbullying at a young age and what we can do to prevent
this
 situation. The foremost factor that made
this
 problem grow is that
people
 think it is common to just prank or joke with someone but they don’t realise it is actually harassment.
Secondly
,
according to
 the paper from John (2019)
said
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Young
people
 who experience cyberbullying are at a greater risk than those who don’t for both self-harm and suicidal
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Therefore
, The significant negative
effect
was happen
Change the verb form
happened
show examples
 with the young
people
 are
issue
Add an article
an issue
show examples
 in the mental health
such
 as anxiety, depression and it will
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a cause of suicide
First,
there are many ways to prevent
children
 from cyberbullying. The way best is Advertiser should monitor
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 young
people
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
 don’t realise
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the problem or how can protect
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ownself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 from bullying.
Moreover
, the best way to make your
children
 take responsibility is to help other
people
. In conclusion, the main reason for the increase in cyberbullying is the common behaviour of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who use social media without awareness of the
effect
 on other
people
 who get the message.
Additionally
, The significant negative
effect
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cyberbullying is
people
's mental health.
Finally
, the guardian or advertiser should pay attention to
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 them by screening their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 social media accounts and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 sure their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 responsibility is to help other
people
.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your argument. For example, 'adolenets' should be 'adolescents', and 'hassament' should be 'harassment'.
Tone
Work on maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid informal language or overly casual phrases that might detract from the seriousness of the topic.
Sentence Complexity
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to enrich your writing and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Supporting Evidence
Incorporate direct quotes or more detailed examples to support your arguments. This could strengthen your essay by providing concrete evidence to back up your points.
Topic Understanding
Your essay effectively identifies and discusses the important issue of cyberbullying, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Structure
You structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helped in conveying your message cohesively.
Use of References
Including a reference, even if not detailed, shows an effort to support your arguments with external sources, which adds to your essay's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • key sector
  • to a great extent
  • achieving goals
  • setting clear goals
  • allocate resources
  • anticipating potential problems
  • devising solutions
  • reducing risks
  • uncertainties
  • impulse
  • clear strategy
  • limitation
  • unpredictability
  • flexibility
  • adaptability
  • real-world examples
  • psychological benefits
  • reduced anxiety
  • increased confidence
  • foundation of success
What to do next:
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