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Writing Samples
Band 5

the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
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The bar chart demonstrates the amount of free
time
Use synonyms
 in a typical week between males and females in the
time
Use synonyms
 period from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the men’s leisure
time
Use synonyms
 was more than women’s free
time
Use synonyms
 only in 3 categories from five categories, namely employed full
time
Use synonyms
, unemployed and retired. In the other two classifications, there is no data about men who are: employed part-
time
Use synonyms
 and housewives. In employed
full-timetime
Correct your spelling
full-time time
full-time-time
 men had about 50
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 women had 38
hours
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the categories for unemployed males and females were exactly the same as those for retired individuals between about 85 and 75
hours
Use synonyms
 in the
time
Use synonyms
 period within a week respectively. Employed part-
time
Use synonyms
 had a rest of four hundred
hours
Use synonyms
 and housewives had more than 20
hours
Use synonyms
 than employees.
Finally
Linking Words
, they enjoyed forty-eight
hours
Use synonyms
. There is not any data for the
2figures
Correct your spelling
2 figures
 which were housewives and unemployed.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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