IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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The population of urban areas are increasing more and more these days
as a
Linking Words
result
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 of
influx
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the influx
an influx
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 of
people
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 from
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
. And
this
Linking Words
 is one of the emerging problems that we are facing in the world. I think
this
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 can have negative impacts because
reduction
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the reduction
a reduction
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 in rural population leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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 in number of workforce in
agricultural
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the agricultural
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 sector and overpopulation in
cities
Use synonyms
 only
Use synonyms
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in increasing poverty.
Firstly
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, planting and harvesting like agricultural
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 are mainly done by villagers from
countryside
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the countryside
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 and many
people
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 have to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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. Even
there
Correct word choice
though there
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 are developments like many kinds of machines to assist
human
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humans
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, it can’t be done by only one or two
people
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. Manforce is involved in every step from start to end. If these
people
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 transfer to
cities
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 where they think they can live more luxurious lives, there will be only a few
people
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 to continue these works. To illustrate
this
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, one can see rural areas in Nepal where there are only elderly
people
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 and small children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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living as most of the adults, who are the main workforce, already shifted to
cities
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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search of a better future.
On the other hand
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, most
people
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 come to
cities
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 where they can get easy access to health and education, which is
also
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 the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 migration. But
this
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 only
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in overpacked
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 in the city and
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
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 more problems. As the population is increased, the traffic
congestions
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congestion
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 will follow.
Moreover
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,
scarce
Replace the word
scarcity
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in
Change preposition
of
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 jobs is
also
Linking Words
 becoming the main problem leading to poverty.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 recent report says around 20% of
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas are moving to
cities
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 every year and with
that
Add a comma
that,
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 the number of
starve
Change the verb form
starving
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people
Use synonyms
 increases. In conclusion,
while
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 most
people
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 want to move to
city
Add an article
the city
a city
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
search of a good life, there are many negative developments in agriculture which is the main area of income in many countries. And I think
this
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 will only lead to opposite effects for
person
Correct article usage
the person
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 individually and for the whole nation. Balancing
manforce
Correct your spelling
manpower
 in both rural and urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 will
result
Use synonyms
 in
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 development.
Submitted by nmpppp4444 on

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Writing Style
To further enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical complexity.
Content Depth
While your examples are relevant, adding more specific data or studies might strengthen your argument even further.
Balance and Depth
Consider exploring both positive and negative developments in more balanced detail to fully address the essay prompt.
Structure
You have well-structured paragraphs with clear main ideas, which aids in the logical flow of your essay.
Clarity
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the issue and your stance, making your argument clear from beginning to end.
Use of Examples
Using concrete examples, like the situation in rural Nepal, helps ground your argument in reality, making it more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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