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Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
The population of urban areas are increasing more and more these days
as a
result
 of
influx
Add an article
the influx
an influx
show examples
 of
people
 from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. And
this
 is one of the emerging problems that we are facing in the world. I think
this
 can have negative impacts because
reduction
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the reduction
a reduction
show examples
 in rural population leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in number of workforce in
agricultural
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the agricultural
show examples
 sector and overpopulation in
cities
 only
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in increasing poverty.
Firstly
, planting and harvesting like agricultural
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 are mainly done by villagers from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 and many
people
 have to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
. Even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are developments like many kinds of machines to assist
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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, it can’t be done by only one or two
people
. Manforce is involved in every step from start to end. If these
people
 transfer to
cities
 where they think they can live more luxurious lives, there will be only a few
people
 to continue these works. To illustrate
this
, one can see rural areas in Nepal where there are only elderly
people
 and small children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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living as most of the adults, who are the main workforce, already shifted to
cities
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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search of a better future.
On the other hand
, most
people
 come to
cities
 where they can get easy access to health and education, which is
also
 the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 migration. But
this
 only
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in overpacked
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 in the city and
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 more problems. As the population is increased, the traffic
congestions
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congestion
show examples
 will follow.
Moreover
,
scarce
Replace the word
scarcity
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 jobs is
also
 becoming the main problem leading to poverty.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent report says around 20% of
people
 from rural areas are moving to
cities
 every year and with
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the number of
starve
Change the verb form
starving
show examples
people
 increases. In conclusion,
while
 most
people
 want to move to
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
search of a good life, there are many negative developments in agriculture which is the main area of income in many countries. And I think
this
 will only lead to opposite effects for
person
Correct article usage
the person
show examples
 individually and for the whole nation. Balancing
manforce
Correct your spelling
manpower
 in both rural and urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 will
result
 in
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 development.
Submitted by nmpppp4444 on

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Writing Style
To further enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical complexity.
Content Depth
While your examples are relevant, adding more specific data or studies might strengthen your argument even further.
Balance and Depth
Consider exploring both positive and negative developments in more balanced detail to fully address the essay prompt.
Structure
You have well-structured paragraphs with clear main ideas, which aids in the logical flow of your essay.
Clarity
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the issue and your stance, making your argument clear from beginning to end.
Use of Examples
Using concrete examples, like the situation in rural Nepal, helps ground your argument in reality, making it more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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