Some people believe that dangerous sports should be banned to what extent you agree or disagree

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The majority of
people
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believe that high-risk
sports
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are very dangerous. It should be illogical from my perspective.
This
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sport young generation can bad affect. I totally agree with
this
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and I will discuss it.
On the other hand
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, all over the world has live never been easy. A variety of competitive activities are available. Some of them are entertaining and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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very dangerous. Some dangerous
sports
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are boxing, car and bike racing, etc. It is our country. Very risky sport.
For instance
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, a very talented bike racer riding in our country Mayk Krishna he is the
last
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year fell off his bike and broke his leg
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then
Correct your spelling
when
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he was
on
Change preposition
in
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a wheelchair.
Moreover
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, in the same
way
Add a comma
way,
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some
people
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died.
therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, the government should
banned
Change the verb form
ban
show examples
the same
sports
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.
On the other hand
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, other
sports
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like cricket, swimming etc. They are very
eentertaining
Correct your spelling
entertaining
and they are very competitive and happy
sports
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.
therefore
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all over the world,
people
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engage in support and they enjoy it. The sport can bring their country to winning. In my perspective, it is
people
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who can engage in more and more safe
sports
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. In conclusion, all over the world
people
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say that dangerous
sports
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need to be banned. Because
Linking Words
Change preposition
of this
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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sports
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people
Use synonyms
high
Correct word choice
apply
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risk their lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can engage
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment spores. The government should
banned
Change the verb form
ban
show examples
the
sports
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of the
people
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living in their citizen.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain clarity in your ideas by organizing them in a more structured manner. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points.
task achievement
Use examples to support your points, but ensure they are tied directly to the argument you are making for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and word choice to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
Engage with the topic directly and consistently throughout your essay to keep your argument focused and relevant.
task achievement
You have a clear position throughout the essay, which is good for task response.
task achievement
You've used examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your perspective well, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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