The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.
The given chart illustrates the number of people who came from a foreign country to visit places
such
as coast
, Correct article usage
the coast
mountain
and Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
lakes
in a European country from 1987 to 2007.
To commence with, in 1987, the coast had already been on the top with 40,000 people in a year . It is
noticeably decreased , in 1992, to approximately 35,000 visitors Unnecessary verb
apply
then
steadily rose to more than 70,000 people in 2007. Although
,
the Remove the comma
apply
lakes
took the first place , in 2002, by showing the result of 70,000, meanwhile lakes
and mountains had an equal number, in 1992, with 20,000 of
individuals.
But Change preposition
apply
then
mountains
Correct article usage
the mountains
had
slightly increased in 2007 (25,000).
Unnecessary verb
apply
Overall
, only 2 areas showed a huge increase in 2007, while
lakes
had an increase in 2002. Only the mountains illustrated a low result during all these years. While
lakes
had a drop in 2007 and coast only in the beggining
.Correct your spelling
beginning
Submitted by aizered097 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words lakes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼