Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities

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The significance of contribution has been highlighted over the past decades. From

this

aspect, questions about whether professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than

sports

and

entertainment

personalities arise. In my opinion, professional

employees

should be paid more to some extent. Irrefutably, professional

employees

have advanced skills.

This

is because, unlike

sports

and

entertainment

personalities, expert industries require particular certifications that are bachelor’s degree, license, and internship experience.

This

obviously leads those who want to work at specialised workplaces to struggle with enormous study and

this

in turn results in having a wide range of specialised knowledge and experiences. What is more,

although

there are heavy burdens of social obligation, professional

employees

have social responsibilities. In actual fact, social studies undertaken by experts have revealed that medical experts like doctors and nurses strive to treat patients who suffer from diseases that are general or severe, so a majority of individuals would receive specialised medical services that lead to a healthy life.

Nevertheless

, financial rewards should be determined by social demands.

In other words

, the public highly

pursue

Change the verb form

pursues

show examples

personal

enjoyments

Fix the agreement mistake

enjoyment

show examples

, they invest a great deal of money to support

sports

and

entertainment

personalities, so those who work in

sports

and

entertainment

industries bring about huge profits that are financial, social, and national compared to professional experts. To recapitulate, financial rewards should be determined by social demands, but professional

employees

have advanced skills and professional

employees

have social responsibilities.

Thus

, professional

employees

should be paid more.

Submitted by subin12260 on Tue Apr 30 2024

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task achievement

To strengthen your argument, provide more specific examples that clearly demonstrate the impact or value of professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers compared to sports and entertainment personalities.

coherence & cohesion

Work on ensuring a smoother flow and transition between paragraphs. Connecting phrases and signpost language can help guide the reader more clearly through your argument.

task achievement

You've done well to present a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument before stating your own position.

coherence & cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are effectively constructed, providing a clear thesis statement and summarizing your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

257 words

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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To whatt extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

In the 21st century, many companies allow their employees to work from home. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

University students should learn a range of other subjects and not just one subject.

Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world, while others think scientists make the greatest contribution to the world. Discuss both views!