The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from1970-2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from1970-2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
The line graph gives information about the
proportion
of
people
from four Asian countries living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas between 1970 and 2020, with prognostication for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, it can be seen that the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
in four different countries increased over the period. The Indonesian
people
were the lowest at the beginning of the period,
however
, the
proportion
of the community from Malaysia
will be
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
highest
at the end
.
To begin
in 1970
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
of
people
from
Phillippine
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the Phillippine
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and Malaysia
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
approximately 30% and following
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
50 years
Correct article usage
the Phillippines
show examples
Phillippines
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Phillippine
show examples
people
fluctuated with
prediction
Correct article usage
the prediction
show examples
they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
be around 50% in 2040.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
proportion
of the population from Malaysia just increased during the period and will be more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
80% in 2040.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, Indonesian
people
stood at around 12% at the beginning, which was 5% less than Thailand`s community at the same time. The
proportion
of Indonesia significantly rose until 2020 and it will be second place between the countries in 2040.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, the percentage of Thailand`s
people
gradually increased in the next following 50 years and it is
forecased
Correct your spelling
forecasted
forecast
to be the lowest in 2040.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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