IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from1970-2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from1970-2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
The line graph gives information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from four Asian countries living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas between 1970 and 2020, with prognostication for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in four different countries increased over the period. The Indonesian
people
Use synonyms
 were the lowest at the beginning of the period,
however
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of the community from Malaysia
will be
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 highest
at the end
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 in 1970
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from
Phillippine
Correct article usage
the Phillippine
show examples
 and Malaysia
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 approximately 30% and following
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 50 years
Correct article usage
the Phillippines
show examples
Phillippines
Correct your spelling
Phillippine
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 fluctuated with
prediction
Correct article usage
the prediction
show examples
 they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be around 50% in 2040.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of the population from Malaysia just increased during the period and will be more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 80% in 2040.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, Indonesian
people
Use synonyms
 stood at around 12% at the beginning, which was 5% less than Thailand`s community at the same time. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 of Indonesia significantly rose until 2020 and it will be second place between the countries in 2040.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, the percentage of Thailand`s
people
Use synonyms
 gradually increased in the next following 50 years and it is
forecased
Correct your spelling
forecasted
forecast
 to be the lowest in 2040.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: