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Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computers #invention #years
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Computers
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 are one of the irreplaceable inventions the world has seen in the
century
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past century
show examples
. I strongly agree
to
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with
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 the fact
as
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that
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 the magnitude of
good will
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goodwill
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 the
computers
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 have made in our
lives
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 is unremarkable. The main point to be highlighted here is how easy our
lives
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 have become with the birth of
computers
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, in terms of
data
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 gathering and management.
Although
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from
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for
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 thousands of
years
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years,
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data
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 has been collected and stored, the easiness
in
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with
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 which a larger amount of
data
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 can be saved, managed and manipulated is only
due to
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 the rise of
computers
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. As per
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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reports
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reports,
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computers
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 have the capability to store information
of
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about
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 our upcoming 10 generations. Not only
does
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do
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computers
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 help in storing
data
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, but
also
Linking Words
 the simplicity with which it can be retrieved is worthwhile to be noted,
moreover
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 the "anytime-anywhere" phrase used by computer scholars reminds us about the fact that we can work, learn and access anything we want at
anytime
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any time
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, irrespective of location, reminding us of how easy our
lives
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 have become. Another notable contribution
computers
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 have brought into our
lives
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 is
time
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, not only
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 help us perform sophisticated tasks in a matter of minutes but
also
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saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
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 our
time
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, which can be used for doing other tasks. When
a
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an
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 average human takes hours to solve complicated problems,
computers
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 are able to solve them within
fraction
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a fraction
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 of a second.
Computers
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 have improved the
effeciency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
in
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with
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 which humans work, improving the final output of tasks,
while
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 reducing
physical
Add an article
the physical
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 stress of
meeitng
Correct your spelling
meeting
 deadlines.
Linking Words
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 it has helped people have more of their
lesiure
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leisure
time
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, improving
time
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 with their families and enhancing relations with people. In conclusion,
computers
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 are the most important invention of not only the
last
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 century but
also
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 of all
time
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 making people more
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
at
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in
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 their daily
lives
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. The importance
computers
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 play in our
lives
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 should not
to
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apply
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be considered insignificant,
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furthermore
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furthermore,
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 we all should take it as a blessing of our generation.
Submitted by mshkrp2 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and fluidity to your writing.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments for a stronger impact.
General
Make an effort to proofread your essay to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and typos.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, clearly stating your position on the importance of computers.
Logical Structure
You've done well to link your main points logically, demonstrating how computers have revolutionized data management and time efficiency.
Engagement
Your enthusiasm and strong stance on the subject come across clearly, engaging the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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