IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that nowadays children have an easy life and some people think that the life of children was easier than in the past. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #life
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People hold distinct views as to whether the lives of
children
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 are easier today
,
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apply
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 or in the past. I shall analyse both these aspects,
however
Linking Words
,
i
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I
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 side with the latter one. Those who believe that
the
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apply
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life
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 is easier for
children
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 nowadays have their reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they think that the advancements in technology
has
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have
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 made the lives of
children
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 easier.
The digital
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Digital
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 gadgets,
according to
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 them,
has
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have
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 simplified various aspects of
life
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, including
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 and communication. For
an
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apply
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example, the internet allows people to acquire a vast amount of knowledge, thereby facilitating learning in a better way.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they argue that there are numerous health facilities available for
the
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apply
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children
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 today as compared
in
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to
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 the past.
Children
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 can access medical help as soon as they feel unwell. Parents, too, are now earning well and are eligible to provide better health facilities to their
children
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.
Nevertheless
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,
i
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I
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, like many others, believe that
children
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 an easy
life
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 in the past. My first argument is that
due to
Linking Words
 the absence of technology,
children
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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 closely connected to their family members. To elaborate, they had better familial bonds.
Children
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 were more respectful towards their elders and had ethical values. Another equally considerable fact is that there was less academic pressure on the
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children's
Unnecessary verb
children
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then
Linking Words
, which enabled them to live a stress-free
life
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. There were no competitions among the students and no demand to be the high-achiever.
Although
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 the
children
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 of those times did not
had
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have
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 better education facilities, they are far more better than the
children
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 of today's era in
the
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apply
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terms of knowledge, especially the calculations. In conclusion, given the aforementioned discussion, I restate that
although
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 both sides have their own significance
however
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 I support the latter one.
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coherence cohesion
To further improve your essay, try to include a wider range of connectives and transition phrases to enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Consider providing more concrete and diverse examples to support your points. This would add depth to your argument and strengthen your task achievement score.
language use
Revisit grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated expression. Minor inaccuracies do not significantly detract from readability, but refining them could elevate your overall score.
task response
Your essay effectively disputes and supports different viewpoints before conclusively stating your personal stance, showcasing a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You've done well in structuring your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. This clear organization aids readability and reinforces your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic stability
  • financial security
  • professional development
  • educational pursuits
  • family planning
  • societal norms
  • diverse family structures
  • reproductive technology
  • IVF (In Vitro Fertilization)
  • life expectancy
  • personal fulfillment
  • delayed parenthood
  • career advancement
  • later-in-life parenthood
  • demographic shifts
What to do next:
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