The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used for new housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
of cities around the world invest a lot of money in
renovation
Add an article
the renovation
show examples
of old
buildings
instead
of spending on new
buildings
. In
this
essay, I will explain why I disagree with
this
statement. The first reason why I believe that the refurbishment of the old
buildings
is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
than constructing the new
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
they represent our cultural
indentities
Correct your spelling
identities
. Many ancient
buildings
constructed
Add a missing verb
were constructed
show examples
by
the
Change the word
our
show examples
ancestors with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past techniques, which do not exist nowadays, as we have enhanced our construction methods.
Hence
, those old
buildings
are the evidence that represents our architectural excellence. If we fail to protect these constructions, the next generation will not be aware of these cultural places.
For instance
, in India,
ellor
Correct your spelling
Ellora
caves are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
popular tourist destination today that exhibits
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indian traditional values and engineering abilities. They
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
sustaining
Wrong verb form
sustained
show examples
until now only because those caves are regularly maintained by the state. The second reason why I believe
this
is because these places could be used for educational purposes for students.
That is
to say, learning about the different communities of the past is essential for children as
this
is a way that students can acquire knowledge about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history. Many historical
building
Change to a plural noun
buildings
show examples
have information and data that
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
carved as sculptures or
paints
Correct your spelling
paintings
show examples
on walls, which can allow them to know the life of ancient society.
Hence
, restoring will help learners to get details of our past habitats.
For instance
,
Taj
Correct article usage
the Taj
show examples
Mahal is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
famous building that has been included in high school history
text books
Correct your spelling
textbooks
show examples
as a chapter, which provides
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
wide details about the ruler, the people and their habits. In conclusion, I believe that spending money on restoring old
buildings
is
crucial
Correct quantifier usage
more crucial
show examples
than investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
new
buildings
is because they
portrait
Replace the word
portray
show examples
our cultural identity and useful for
our
Change the word
the
show examples
next generation to provide
historic
Correct word choice
historical
show examples
knowledge.
Submitted by prasadjul1986 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure to directly address the question prompt in your introduction to clarify your stance more explicitly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your conclusion further by succinctly summarizing your main points and restating your opinion more forcefully.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively uses specific examples, like Ellora Caves and Taj Mahal, to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay considerably.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct main point. This makes your argument easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
You consistently relate your discussion back to the importance of cultural identity and education, maintaining a strong coherence in your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: