The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used for new housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Majority
of cities around the world invest a lot of money in Correct article usage
The majority
renovation
of old Add an article
the renovation
buildings
instead
of spending on new buildings
. In this
essay, I will explain why I disagree with this
statement.
The first reason why I believe that the refurbishment of the old buildings
is important
than constructing the new Correct quantifier usage
more important
one
is Correct pronoun usage
ones
because
they represent our cultural Replace the word
that
indentities
. Many ancient Correct your spelling
identities
buildings
constructed
by Add a missing verb
were constructed
the
ancestors with Change the word
our
the
past techniques, which do not exist nowadays, as we have enhanced our construction methods. Correct article usage
apply
Hence
, those old buildings
are the evidence that represents our architectural excellence. If we fail to protect these constructions, the next generation will not be aware of these cultural places. For instance
, in India, ellor
caves are Correct your spelling
Ellora
the
popular tourist destination today that exhibits Correct article usage
a
the
Indian traditional values and engineering abilities. They Correct article usage
apply
are
Verb problem
have
sustaining
until now only because those caves are regularly maintained by the state.
The second reason why I believe Wrong verb form
sustained
this
is because these places could be used for educational purposes for students. That is
to say, learning about the different communities of the past is essential for children as this
is a way that students can acquire knowledge about the
history. Many historical Correct article usage
apply
building
have information and data that Change to a plural noun
buildings
had
carved as sculptures or Verb problem
were
paints
on walls, which can allow them to know the life of ancient society. Correct your spelling
paintings
Hence
, restoring will help learners to get details of our past habitats. For instance
, Taj
Mahal is Correct article usage
the Taj
the
famous building that has been included in high school history Correct article usage
a
text books
as a chapter, which provides Correct your spelling
textbooks
a
wide details about the ruler, the people and their habits.
In conclusion, I believe that spending money on restoring old Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
buildings
is crucial
than investing Correct quantifier usage
more crucial
on
new Change preposition
in
buildings
is because they portrait
our cultural identity and useful for Replace the word
portray
our
next generation to provide Change the word
the
historic
knowledge.Correct word choice
historical
Submitted by prasadjul1986 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure to directly address the question prompt in your introduction to clarify your stance more explicitly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your conclusion further by succinctly summarizing your main points and restating your opinion more forcefully.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively uses specific examples, like Ellora Caves and Taj Mahal, to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay considerably.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct main point. This makes your argument easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
You consistently relate your discussion back to the importance of cultural identity and education, maintaining a strong coherence in your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite