IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #business #study #course #college #university
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The notion that formal education guarantees superior knowledge compared to self-directed learning merits a nuanced response.
While
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 traditional institutions offered an undeniable advantage in the past
due to
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 limited
resources
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, the democratization of
information
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 in the modern era compels a reevaluation. Historically, educational institutions were the primary gateways to knowledge. Universities and colleges curated
resources
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 through expert faculty, diverse libraries, and cutting-edge technology.
This
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 facilitated structured learning for students, as evidenced by university access to extensive collections.
However
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, the landscape has undeniably shifted. The internet has become an invaluable repository of
information
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, fostering a global knowledge-sharing platform with unparalleled immediacy.
While
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 readily accessible, the internet presents challenges concerning source verification. Unreliable
information
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 disguised as legitimate content can mislead users, particularly those lacking digital literacy skills.
For instance
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, the prevalence of misinformation regarding miracle cures, like herb-and-soda concoctions for cancer, highlights
this
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 vulnerability. In conclusion,
although
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 traditional education offers the advantage of verified
resources
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, it may lack accessibility and suffer from potential outdatedness.
Conversely
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, the internet,
while
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 convenient, demands a critical approach to navigate the abundance of potentially inaccurate
information
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.
Therefore
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, the effectiveness of knowledge acquisition hinges on the individual's ability to leverage both established sources and critically evaluate readily available online
resources
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.
Submitted by baby11mystar on

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Task Achievement
Try to directly address both views mentioned in the prompt clearly before stating your own opinion. While your essay provides thoughtful analysis, a clearer comparison and explicit mention of your position would enhance task achievement.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your points. Specific examples help illustrate your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher score, vary your sentence structures more to avoid repetition and showcase a wider range of grammatical structures. This will also make your essay more interesting to read.
Overall
Your essay presents a nuanced response, indicating a good level of analytical thinking.
Examples
You've effectively used the internet as an example to contrast with traditional education, showcasing the ability to engage critically with the topic.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing your discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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